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I feel like I don't know who I am

Kuro

Hi, I haven't had a clinical diagnosis yet. But I spoke to a new GP who said he thinks there's a strong possibility I have autism (after a chat, and an aq test. Based on his professional, and personal experience). And a lot of puzzle pieces have fallen into place. Obviously I've recently done a lot of research and tried to get my head around all of this. And I agree, autism would answer a lot of questions. (Being diagnosed with autism isn't something I was looking for, I just wondered if there was a deeper cause for the anxiety and depression I've had since I was young).

However, I also completed the cat-q test, and quite frankly, the results have scared me. I'm 42, and have always been the odd one out in any social groups, so being a bit different has always been normal for me, although not very nice at times. I scored 145 in the cat-q test, which is pretty high I believe. I've also recently lost interest in a hobby I've had since I was a teen. It's really made me question who I am. I genuinely didn't realise I masked that much. And now I feel like a fraud, or like my life has been a facade. I don't know who the real me is.

Kinda hoping for some reassurance, and friendly advice I guess. I have literally no one I can talk to about this. I feel the most isolated I ever have been recently. 

Oh, I'm new here, so if this is in the wrong place or anything, just let me know.

Parents

  • Kuro, as the previous posters have indicated, there are a whole bunch of us here diagnosed at all ages.

    I was assessed three years ago aged 67.  Like you, I have always been the odd one out, had anxiety etc. and fought battles all my life.... and now it has started to make sense.  It takes a while to get your head around it, but you will. There are many books about late diagnosis which members here will recommend, I suggest you read one or two - I found them really helpful.

    As ancient angst begins to resolve, life should make a little more sense.

    I now, at last, feel that I know who I am.

    I am Ben

  • in reply to Ben

    This was nice to read I'm glad you know who you are. I'm still figuring myself out.

  • in reply to Bees

    Bees, to be honest, I don't think I've figured everything out just yet, but I'm certainly a lot further on than when I started.  I rather regret, or resent, the fact that I didn't know years ago, but there's nothing can be done about that now. 

    I hope you find plenty to interest you on the forum.

    Ben

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  • in reply to Bees

    Bees, to be honest, I don't think I've figured everything out just yet, but I'm certainly a lot further on than when I started.  I rather regret, or resent, the fact that I didn't know years ago, but there's nothing can be done about that now. 

    I hope you find plenty to interest you on the forum.

    Ben

Children
  • in reply to Ben

    I hope you can figure it out maybe with help from people here. I already feel less alone having joined the forum and more understood...not many people understand me in RL.

    I think it helps that autism connects us and that's something we all understand in our own way so we can help each other.

    At school there's an autism group that I finally went to...after a lot of reluctance cause of my anxiety lolol and that helped just meeting others who are the same.

    Nice to meet you Ben.

    My names Princess.