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This is difficult

Potterpaul
11 months ago

Hello

I'm 56. Recently diagnosed. My life is not a life. Total mess. I 'live' in isolation.

On Monday I am going to court because I am too poor to pay council tax. This is destroying me. They will not listen to me, I am struggling to do accounts in the time they demanded. I've had enough. I fear will be homeless soon.

I fought against the diagnosis. I'm devastated that I now know I will never be what I want to be.

I don't know what to do or why I'm here.

The more pressure they keep putting on me the slower I become..

It's all pain and loneliness.

I'm sorry this is such a crap introduction. I can't focus right now.

Parents
  • 11 months ago

    Thank you everybody for all the helpful suggestions and good wishes. It is all appreciated.
    Today I went to court with a letter explaining everything. I finally decided to embrace my diagnosis (I can't make it go away) and try and at least get something useful from it. I told the court usher I was autistic and from then on everything went much better than I expected. The Council (who were taking me to court) read my letter (which put them in a very bad light) and decided to drop the case and to let me continue on my previous arrangement. They even gave me £5 to pay for the parking! The whole experience with the weeks of dread and the intimidating scenario of the court house (so that I was so stressed I forgot to take money to pay for parking and got lost etc.) has been awful. But now for the very first time my diagnosis has actually proved useful.
    I now need to learn who I really am and try and navigate away from the mess I'm in. Thank you for offering your support when I was most afraid. I may return to these forums in future but I find it very hard to manage these multiple messages at the same time.

Reply
  • 11 months ago

    Thank you everybody for all the helpful suggestions and good wishes. It is all appreciated.
    Today I went to court with a letter explaining everything. I finally decided to embrace my diagnosis (I can't make it go away) and try and at least get something useful from it. I told the court usher I was autistic and from then on everything went much better than I expected. The Council (who were taking me to court) read my letter (which put them in a very bad light) and decided to drop the case and to let me continue on my previous arrangement. They even gave me £5 to pay for the parking! The whole experience with the weeks of dread and the intimidating scenario of the court house (so that I was so stressed I forgot to take money to pay for parking and got lost etc.) has been awful. But now for the very first time my diagnosis has actually proved useful.
    I now need to learn who I really am and try and navigate away from the mess I'm in. Thank you for offering your support when I was most afraid. I may return to these forums in future but I find it very hard to manage these multiple messages at the same time.

Children
  • 11 months ago in reply to Potterpaul

    This is excellent news.  I am very pleased for you.  Thank you VERY much for putting my mind to rest - I do find myself inexplicably "invested" in the well-being of certain posters here.....you are one of those.

    I navigated my own "coming out - to myself" journey without the help of this place and those within it.

    Once I had found this place, I found it much easier to stay sane and to suppress the self-loathing.

    I "lurked" on here for ages before I started posting [I have zero internet / social media] and was intimidated.

    The multiple messages and threads can be overwhelming at times.....but people here understand that and you don't get push-back irrespective of how you "perform" on here.

    I wish you the very best of luck with your onward journey from this point....and please know that you are very welcome to dip-in here whenever you so choose.

    Kindest regards

    Number.

  • 11 months ago in reply to Potterpaul

    That's good to hear it turned out well.

    The council should be ashamed for all the unnecessary stress they have put you through Angry

    If there is one positive that has arisen from the situation it's that you have started to embrace your diagnosis. It is not uncommon to experience denial and you are not alone in that respect. 

    https://aucademy.co.uk/2022/01/20/six-common-reactions-during-autistic-discovery/