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Stealing teen

NAS88991
  • Hey all, I'm new! My 13 YO has just got a diagnosis, and his behaviours ahve has triggered some safeguarding issues. We have had alot of intervention, and input recently with him. We thought we had settled things, but have just discovered he has stolen a large sum of cash from us ( he has stolen from us, and from others in the past). He has used the cash to buy fiends stuff ( vaoes). 
  • I'm struggling to know how to deal with this effectively, in light of his new diagnosis. So far, we have confiscated all vape, he's obviously grounded. He has no remorse. It's hard! 
  • Any helpful suggestions would be appreciated! 
Parents

  • I can relate to the “lack of remorse”. I was only diagnosed aged 64 but clearly my character had formed in early years, and to this day I mainly only obey rules and laws for fear of the consequences, punishment, withdrawal of privileges, financial negatives for example. As a child of similar age to your son I was a thief and quite without any sense of this being wrong, then it was all small and trivial things but later in my life not so. My parents were definitely good people, followed the Christian system of ethics and not at all laws/rule breakers themselves so the reason can’t be at their door, perhaps it is an inherently autistic thing?

    Oddly my assessor for ASC said in the dx report that I had a “clear moral compass” which I find impossible to reconcile with my complete comprehension of “one man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter”. I guess I follow and obey systems and rules I agree with and not those I don’t, but then isn’t that true for us all?

    So in my experience I don’t think there’s anything you can do to change your son’s value systems but Iain’s suggestions in his reply give possible ways of mitigating the damage in the short term 

    Emma

Reply

  • I can relate to the “lack of remorse”. I was only diagnosed aged 64 but clearly my character had formed in early years, and to this day I mainly only obey rules and laws for fear of the consequences, punishment, withdrawal of privileges, financial negatives for example. As a child of similar age to your son I was a thief and quite without any sense of this being wrong, then it was all small and trivial things but later in my life not so. My parents were definitely good people, followed the Christian system of ethics and not at all laws/rule breakers themselves so the reason can’t be at their door, perhaps it is an inherently autistic thing?

    Oddly my assessor for ASC said in the dx report that I had a “clear moral compass” which I find impossible to reconcile with my complete comprehension of “one man’s terrorist is another man’s freedom fighter”. I guess I follow and obey systems and rules I agree with and not those I don’t, but then isn’t that true for us all?

    So in my experience I don’t think there’s anything you can do to change your son’s value systems but Iain’s suggestions in his reply give possible ways of mitigating the damage in the short term 

    Emma

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