Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello.
Reaching out as many places I can find in desperation. My wife was diagnosed a year ago with high functioning autism, and our toddler daughter is highly likely to be on the spectrum also, as expressed by our paediatrician. Needless to say I’m way in over my head as a dad and husband. The endless days and nights of our daughter screaming, trying to keep her peaceful, has seriously worn on my wife and I. I became so angry, bitter, and resentful towards them both. Thankfully counselling has helped me through some of that. Our daughter is currently withholding her poops for 4 days at a time and screams at us because she gets so uncomfortable. She’s not constipated, just afraid to go. My wife lives in a constant state of burnout because she is filled with anxiety and is extremely strict when it comes to taking care of our daughter, and she won’t allow herself to be away from our daughter for any length of time. Such a long and convoluted story to get into but I appreciate any replies. I’m a words of affirmation guy so any encouragement helps.
Thank you
Hard to know what to say. NT / ND relationships can be challenging because we're on different internal operating systems. Dialogue is essential.
For your immediate problem, our own body functions can be frightening for us because the sensory mechanism called interoception (tells you when you need to eat, poo, pee, are in pain or what your emotional state is) can be radically out of kilter and impossible for us to interpret, or just way too hyperactive and intense. No wonder so many of us have IBS.
Your daughter may need explicit no nonscense instruction as to what her body is doing and what it means and a lot of reassurance that however awful defication feels to her, it won't hurt her and she'll feel better for obeyinging the call of nature.
That is interesting about about IBS. My wife has IBD and I have IBS. I certainly have been pondering if I’m on the spectrum too, but I don’t think so.