Published on 12, July, 2020
Hiya! As the title said, I'm autistic and diagnosed last year and I really struggled in high school as I'm sure many neurodivergent people will understand and really I'm just looking to talk to people about their experiences with autism, how you guys make friends, and keep them (that's a big struggle for me the past couple years as my depression has been horrible due to the autism) and sensory issues. Anything really. I do feel pretty alone as in my day-to-day life I tend to stay in a lot I think because I feel its safe, and id love to know if someone else has this too. Thank you, I'm really looking forward to talking to someone.
abbie said:how you guys make friends, and keep them
This is a complicated subject but if you learn the rules around what is expected in social situations then you are half way there to be able to pass as a shy neurotypical if you want.
If you are with friends then it is best to try to be authentic as this will help the bond of friendship. Making sure your friends know you are autistic but that it doesn't make you a monster does help. They don't need to know the ins and outs of it, just what your main issues around social interactions and sensitivites are.
To learn the "rules" I would start with this book:
Unwritten Rules of Social Relationships Decoding Social Mysteries Through the Unique Perspectives of Autism - Grandin, Temple, Barron, Sean (2017)ISBN 9781941765388
The following books have more tips if you want to expand your understanding of the subject:
An Aspie's Guide to Making and Keeping Friends - Attwood, Tony, Evans, Craig R., Lesko, Anita (2015)eISBN 9781784501259
Friendships The Aspie Way - Wendy Lawson (2006)ISBN-10: 1 84310 427 X
Social Skills for Teenagers and Adults with Asperger Syndrome - A Practical Guide to Day-to-day Life - Nancy J., Ph.D. Patrick (2008)ISBN 9781843108764
Now realise that socialising causes anxiety for most of us, so understanding how to manage this is also very useful. The following books teach you a range of techniques and hopefully one works for you:
Asperger Syndrome and Anxiety - A Guide to Successful Stress Management - Nick Dubin (2009)ISBN 9781843108955An Aspie's Guide to Overcoming Anxiety - Attwood, Tony, Evans, Craig R., Lesko, Anita (2015)eISBN 9781784501198
For the actual conversations themselves, if it is for new contacts or general social occasions where you don't know what to talk about, the following books give you plenty of material to work from:
How to Talk to Anyone About Anything - Improve Your Social Skills, Master Small Talk, Connect Effortlessly, and Make Real Friends - W. Williams, James (2021)ISBN 195303635XStress-Free Small Talk - How to Master the Art of Conversation and Take Control of Your Social Anxiety - Gallagher LMFT, Richard S (2020)ISBN 1641528958
You do not need to memorise everything here - dip in and out as you are able and appy the skills when you have the opportunity. It is more a process than an event.