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Hello. Looking for advice. Feel so sad.

Cbear

Hi all,

I'm a mum of 2. Eldest son is now 11 and has already been assessed for Autism when he started junior school but, Consultant thought it he may have just been immature as youngest in class. He is very articulate and remembers thing well but has no patience with homework or doing things he has no interest in and doesn't have friends since leaving juniors.

He began senior school in September and we've already had two incidents of him punching other boys for having a go at him in PE. He hates PE and is struggling with new school anyway, especially with older boys shoving him around and throwing food at him in the canteen.

We've been called in to see head of year and she asked if anyone had ever mentioned Autism to us, as at least 4 teachers asked her if he is. An appointment has been made to see the GP next week for referral.

He seems to have got worse since starting this school. He is very anxious and trys to keep out of everyone's way. It breaks my heart as he's a different lad at home. Always hugging, funny and kind to his baby sister. He's panicking today as back at school tomorrow. I try and make him feel better but I just end up leaving his room feeling like I want to cry. Why are kids/adults so cruel to anyone slightly different to them. 

How do other parents cope and help their kids?

thank you and sorry so long!

C

Parents

  • Dear C

    I can relate to what you are saying - my son  was diagnosed earlier but suffered terribly at school, he couldn't concentrate, wouldn't study, at primary he had 25 hours of support a week but barely acheived any work - but at home was wierd and difficult to manage but bright and interested in so many things.

    It has been a hard process - I was very hard on him at times - but I guess I repeatedly explained things, told him the rules, the right way to behave and the consequences again and again - nothing seemed to be going in at the time but it actually does - a year or more later you would find him doing or saying something that showed he was listening. He could but wouldn't read books.

    We discovered that he has to choose to do something for himself, it cannot be imposed - and once he does and sets his mind to it it has been amazing what he can do -

    He is now 25 and has a huge shelf of books he reads avidly on politics, comparatitve religeon, languages - He scraped through a few GCSES did a little better at A-level - then even better through his degree - and now he has been abroad for two years teachign english and is nearly fluent in two languages. He is very happy, has many friends and a girlfriend (one of many). You would not know if you met him that he had every had any problems at school. the key to starting him learning and reading turned out to be watching astronomy programmes on TV and then him realising you get books on Astronomy - he spent the next few weeks with his nose in Steven Hawkings books to our amazement.

    The friends thing has come on gradually - through shared interests mainly -video games, language learning, etc.

     

    Aim for normal but expect much more hard work that with any other kid! Expect to be frightened by the abnormal behaviour at times - encourage any interests you can and reach them through the interests - explain things all the time - they learn intellectually not by observation so much.

     

    I have been amazed at what has been possible given the depths we were in when he was a child - he doesn't like to refer to it too much - but because it has been so hard for him and us - I am extra proud of him.

    I am sure that you will be the same one day - hang in there

     

     

     

Reply

  • Dear C

    I can relate to what you are saying - my son  was diagnosed earlier but suffered terribly at school, he couldn't concentrate, wouldn't study, at primary he had 25 hours of support a week but barely acheived any work - but at home was wierd and difficult to manage but bright and interested in so many things.

    It has been a hard process - I was very hard on him at times - but I guess I repeatedly explained things, told him the rules, the right way to behave and the consequences again and again - nothing seemed to be going in at the time but it actually does - a year or more later you would find him doing or saying something that showed he was listening. He could but wouldn't read books.

    We discovered that he has to choose to do something for himself, it cannot be imposed - and once he does and sets his mind to it it has been amazing what he can do -

    He is now 25 and has a huge shelf of books he reads avidly on politics, comparatitve religeon, languages - He scraped through a few GCSES did a little better at A-level - then even better through his degree - and now he has been abroad for two years teachign english and is nearly fluent in two languages. He is very happy, has many friends and a girlfriend (one of many). You would not know if you met him that he had every had any problems at school. the key to starting him learning and reading turned out to be watching astronomy programmes on TV and then him realising you get books on Astronomy - he spent the next few weeks with his nose in Steven Hawkings books to our amazement.

    The friends thing has come on gradually - through shared interests mainly -video games, language learning, etc.

     

    Aim for normal but expect much more hard work that with any other kid! Expect to be frightened by the abnormal behaviour at times - encourage any interests you can and reach them through the interests - explain things all the time - they learn intellectually not by observation so much.

     

    I have been amazed at what has been possible given the depths we were in when he was a child - he doesn't like to refer to it too much - but because it has been so hard for him and us - I am extra proud of him.

    I am sure that you will be the same one day - hang in there

     

     

     

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