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newly diagnosed

mikwar

Good afternoon everyone. 

After almost 2 years of pushing and pushing with letters, phone calls and everything else....we have just had the diagnosis that our 3 year old son has autism. 

It isn't severe but it is obvsiously still a concern and a shock to the system. We're waiting to hear from the local Autism Outreach team with the next steps.

I was just wondering what sort of advice anybody can give us in the meantime of how to deal with it because we don't really know what to expect now going forward such as the best school, how to discipline, is he being naughty or is it condition, should we have groundrules, can we expect family who do a lot of our childcare to understand, should we give him more time in nursery than what he currently has.

Also, my main issue is when Olly is acting up in public- I feel like I need to explain to people what is wrong, do other parents feel like that or do I just keep quiet?

I know I should probably wait until the professionals have been in touch but who knows that long will take and my wife and I are understable upset and worried.

many thanks

  • How can you tell if your child is high functioning? My daughter is 30months, she says a lot of words, probably less than a child not on the spectrum but doesn't speak in sentences yet. She is affectionate, makes good eye contact is engaged with adults though not so much with kids. Quite well behaved but has her moments like any other child. She has her stims, (sometimes shakes her head a lot, sometimes rubs different surfaces, sometimecrawls on the floor). 

    Would this be high functioning?

  • thank you so much for both of your replies. It has really helped me come to terms with it since we found out on Friday. 

    We obviously have a lot of research and learning to do but I'm sure this is the best place to get it

    thanks

  • Hi I also have a 3 year old son who was, fairly recently, diagnosed with asd. He has pretty good speech and it is relatively mild I think.

    He is in a mainstream preschool and that would be my personal preference for a mildly affected child so long as they are happy and supported there. He seems to be doing really well so I'm hoping that will continue. If you feel your child would be better off in a special school I think they would need a statement of sen. 

    RE discipline it really depends on the child. My son is pretty high functioning so most of the time I treat him the same as his older sister. I'm a big fan of natural consequences and positive parenting. I think if consequences are logical they are easier to understand eg my son would be more likely to respond well to me warning him that if he throws a toy again I will take it off him as I don't want him to break it rather than me saying if you throw that again you will go to bed after your tea or something else unrelated. Or even better - if you want to throw something throw your soft ball etc as giving something they can do rather than what they can't cn be helpful

    So long as you discipline fairly and don't discipline for things they cannot help or at a level they can't understand just try stuff and see what works. Beware of inadvertently rewarding unwanted behaviour though eg time out when they prefer to be alone or similar.

    We aren't in a position where our son is in the care of anyone other than us or the school at the moment but I certainly think relatives who are looking after your son should be expected to find out about the condition and how best to care for him. Maybe you could print some information off here for them? Assuming they are willing to learn. And anyone who isn't willing to learn isn't really suitable to care for him in my honest opinion.

    I can't say I've ever felt the need to explain my sons condition when out. I usually just concentrate on dealing with the situation though no doubt there are stares at times. I also think he's still just about young enough that any outbursts aren't that noteworthy (he's quite small for his age too). If he's very upset in the middle of the library or something I would take him out to calm down but I wouldn't feel the need to  give any explanation really.

    Last bit of advice would be to have a look and see what parent groups there are in your area. They can be great for letting of steam and picking up tips. And try not to let helping him with areas he struggles with overtake you appreciating all the amazing qualities your child has alongside those struggles.

    All the best.

  • Hi - welcome.  If you haven't already, have a good look around the site via the home page.  Also have a look at the posts.  You will learn a lot from both as the questions you raise are all discussed or signposted to on the site.  

    I've never explained to strangers why my son sometimes gets v upset.    Saying "he's autistic" doesn't mean much to the general population, altho most will have heard the word before.   Just concentrate on helping your son during that difficult time.  That's my opinion!

    Family etc.  This can sometimes be difficult because how autism affects the individual can be difficult to explain to neuro-typical people.  They hear what you're saying but often don't "get it".  Also people react in different ways to the news so be as prepared as you can be for that.

    Your son will appreciate an understandable routine so he knows what he's going to do each day in some detail.  You can do a pictorial timetable so he can look at the pictures, for example.  Some autistic people have sensory issues : noise, smells, textures, tastes etc.  Maybe you've already identified?  There are 1 or 2 noises my son finds painful.  Noises that you and I might just find a bit unpleasant.  There's a big difference.

    I can't cover all your very pertinent questions but others will be along to chip in soon + as I said before this site is a vg resource.

    Just 1 more thing.  There's a lot to learn.  You can't learn it all at once.  Bit by bit is best in understandig how it affects your little boy.  Also you can come back whenever you want to ask whatever you want.