Published on 12, July, 2020
Late 70s. Always found social interaction disconcerting, scary, uninteresting and/or threatening. This has made me feel guilty about it, ie there ‘has to be something wrong with me.’ Was it caused and/or aggravated by a socially abusive father or was I born with it? I had to ‘go into myself’ in order to survive and feel secure. As a result I have developed considerable inner strength, enjoy my own company, am happy in my own skin and live what I consider to be a full satisfying lifestyle. Just occasionally however I wonder if I haven’t missed out on something in life and if so what.
I too am new here and like yourself an older person just realizing I have autism. I have been through many diagnoses over the years as science changes. Before school They said I was hyperactive (that was the only term for kids that hopped and apparently were trying to fly when they talked and just could not hold still) but I was very bright. so, I was fine, they put me on tranqs, I'd outgrow it most likely they said. FastForward a lifetime and many wrong diagnoses, Bipolar, ocd, adhd among others but nothing they did, no medication helped, no therapy helped but I figured its just life, I would never get my answers. I was actually looking up symptoms and such for my husband but in doing so everything started clicking for the first time since forever it seemed, It made sense, this was me. Period. I don't know if it is even worth being tested at almost 60. I know.