Published on 12, July, 2020
Late 70s. Always found social interaction disconcerting, scary, uninteresting and/or threatening. This has made me feel guilty about it, ie there ‘has to be something wrong with me.’ Was it caused and/or aggravated by a socially abusive father or was I born with it? I had to ‘go into myself’ in order to survive and feel secure. As a result I have developed considerable inner strength, enjoy my own company, am happy in my own skin and live what I consider to be a full satisfying lifestyle. Just occasionally however I wonder if I haven’t missed out on something in life and if so what.
My acceptance of my Autism came after I retired from a long and successful career. In retrospect I realise that it was my Autism which made me successful. The only real downside is I found it difficult working for bosses who I did not respect as I respected the person not their position. However, I did get respect from bosses I respected and since they were the ones who were good at what they did, I eventually ended up working for some really good bosses. Before I accepted my Autism, I was treated for both depression and PTSD. I doubt I really had either. In the end, what has happened, happened. Would life have been different if I had accepted my Autism earlier? I will never know. It might have given me excuses for not trying to achieve things. Life happened.