Have I done something wrong?

Hi there,

I'm new to the group and wanted to come here to ask about this as I think it might be an Autistic thing.

I've really messed up with a friend of mine (we're both on the spectrum). My grandfather passed away recently with us all at the bedside, and just the other day, my friend lost her grandfather too. However, while I didn't know her grandparents, it feels like her family weren't supporting him at the end...her parents were out at a dinner with friends, despite knowing her grandfather was unwell, and her grandmother was all alone with her grandfather when he died. And even though they live near each other, her grandmother told them by text. They really should have all been with her grandparents as we were with my grandfather, that's what families should do. I just thought all this was appalling, so when she texted me to say her grandfather had died, I told her that it was so wrong her grandmother was on her own with him and that she should go over to be with her. My friend got really upset by this and now isn't speaking to me. She claims that they're all very close and that they'd been in and out supporting her grandparents all the time, and that they hadn't known it was going to be that day, and I was 'judging how her family grieved'– that her grandparents had wanted things to go on as normal right up until the end of her grandfather's life, and that ideally her grandmother wanted to be alone with her grandfather at the end (to be honest, I wonder if that's even true, she's never told me that before). She said she was upset with me and didn't want to speak to me until after the funeral. Of course I'm so sorry to have upset her, especially with what she's going through, I feel so awful, and I did apologise, but I just think how her family treated her grandfather at the end of his life was really wrong, especially as my grandfather was so supported by us all, and I felt it was important to say that. Also I think it's a bit unfair she's said she doesn't want to talk to me for a few weeks, because I think we should be supporting each other as we've both just been through the same thing.

Please be honest, I can take it!

Thank you.