Surviving thanks to my dog

Hi

Recently took AQ50 test online and scored in the mid-40s. So much of my life story now makes sense. I have also considered other conditions and have realised I am mildly dyslexic, something which I understand is often comorbid with autism.

As a woman I have spent my whole life masking, with the inevitable stress that causes. I have been hospitalised 4 times, 2 of which were sections, due to extreme depression, anxiety, and my resultant actions.

I have always felt like I was on the outside looking in, watching but unable reach others, not understanding their behaviours, their jokes, especially females. It has always been a bit easier with men who tend to be more direct.

In a recent move, I got a house with a garden. Having a garden and not working meant I could have a dog. Due to a bereavment, someone I know had taken on the brother to her dog but they fought, so she gave him to me, knowing he would have a good home. He is a wonderful clever kind friendly little dog and my constant companion. Despite our respective ages, 66 and 13, we do agility and have a number of wins under our belts. He is my life. I have never had this close a relationship with anything, anyone which is wonderful but scary as I will outlive him.  With him, I can socialise because he makes the introductions. I can look at him rather than at the people I am with. I can calm myself by stroking him.

I have also taken up outdoor swimming. I swam as a small child, but stopped in my teens. About 6 years ago on World Mental Day, I joined an event at a lake near me. This was my introduction to all year swimming outdoors without a wetsuit. I am very cold tolerant so even swimming in temperatures close to freezing is relatively comfortable for me. The repetitive actions of swimming are quite calming, and I enjoy doing mental word and number problems as I go. There is a welcoming, undemanding community where I swim. Amongst these people, are those who are just about my first ever friends.