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can't get out of the house.

Tilly

Hi while being new to these boards I am by no means new to life with autism.  My son is 16 and for most of his life has been relatively easy to care for despite the fact that his autism is towards the more severe end of the spectrum. He has always been stubborn but by hook or by crook both my husband and I have always managed to get him to do the (necessary) things he would rather avoid. But now he has suddenly reached the realisation that we can't make he do anything he doesn't want to do. By some miracle we manage to get him ready for school and out the door to the taxi but it takes a gargantuan effort on both our parts and by the time he's left I feel as if I've already done a day's work before the day even begins.  He is currently sitting on our bathroom floor (he's been there for the past 5 hours) and refusing to move.  He's washed and semi dressed (only because myself and my husband did these  for him).  Nothing is helping him  to move food, drink, home made flap jack.  I'm not expecting anyone to provide me with some magical solutions just reassurance.  I can't help feeling like a really bad parent.  The sun is shining most families are out and about in the sunshine and we can't get our son off the bathroom floor!  Sometimes I feel I've allowed him to slip into his own world far too often.

Parents

  • Hi - I think there must be quite a number of parents who end up staying in a lot, so you're not at all a bad parent.  Don't even think it.  After my son left school he became aware that others didn't always have to make decisions for him + that he could make decisions for himself.  This is a good thing as long as the decision that's made is an informed one.  My son isn't aspergers.  We've found that explaining why something isn't appropriate is more effective when put into practical language + also allowing some give and take.  He'll sometimes ask why he should do something + as long as there's a properly sensible reason for it, then he'll oblige.  If for example he refused to get washed then we'd explain that he'd get smelly. dirty + itchy.  Your son may just be experimenting with his new-found freedom.  How's his mood?  My son would sit quite still + quiet for sometimes longish periods of time (not 5 hrs) wondering about something he didn't understand before working out the question to ask.  Also if he doesn't enjoy something, like the rest of us, he doesn't want to do it....school?  He also has his own routine on a morning which it's important he completes, altho he does alter it at times depending on the situation.  It's always easier if someone can explain their actions.  Has he said anything at all in this regard?  

Reply

  • Hi - I think there must be quite a number of parents who end up staying in a lot, so you're not at all a bad parent.  Don't even think it.  After my son left school he became aware that others didn't always have to make decisions for him + that he could make decisions for himself.  This is a good thing as long as the decision that's made is an informed one.  My son isn't aspergers.  We've found that explaining why something isn't appropriate is more effective when put into practical language + also allowing some give and take.  He'll sometimes ask why he should do something + as long as there's a properly sensible reason for it, then he'll oblige.  If for example he refused to get washed then we'd explain that he'd get smelly. dirty + itchy.  Your son may just be experimenting with his new-found freedom.  How's his mood?  My son would sit quite still + quiet for sometimes longish periods of time (not 5 hrs) wondering about something he didn't understand before working out the question to ask.  Also if he doesn't enjoy something, like the rest of us, he doesn't want to do it....school?  He also has his own routine on a morning which it's important he completes, altho he does alter it at times depending on the situation.  It's always easier if someone can explain their actions.  Has he said anything at all in this regard?  

Children
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