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can't get out of the house.

Tilly

Hi while being new to these boards I am by no means new to life with autism.  My son is 16 and for most of his life has been relatively easy to care for despite the fact that his autism is towards the more severe end of the spectrum. He has always been stubborn but by hook or by crook both my husband and I have always managed to get him to do the (necessary) things he would rather avoid. But now he has suddenly reached the realisation that we can't make he do anything he doesn't want to do. By some miracle we manage to get him ready for school and out the door to the taxi but it takes a gargantuan effort on both our parts and by the time he's left I feel as if I've already done a day's work before the day even begins.  He is currently sitting on our bathroom floor (he's been there for the past 5 hours) and refusing to move.  He's washed and semi dressed (only because myself and my husband did these  for him).  Nothing is helping him  to move food, drink, home made flap jack.  I'm not expecting anyone to provide me with some magical solutions just reassurance.  I can't help feeling like a really bad parent.  The sun is shining most families are out and about in the sunshine and we can't get our son off the bathroom floor!  Sometimes I feel I've allowed him to slip into his own world far too often.

Parents

  • My 8yo frequently fights me when it's time to get washed and dressed.  Thankfully, on school days she is worried enough about being in trouble with the school and the pressure of the taxi arriving at a certain time to behave.  But when there is no school, it's a nightmare.  I am sure she will play me up more when she is older, she is already very oppositional.  The only thing I have come up with is distraction for times when she is fixated on a certain behaviour, but even that doesn't work when she is determined to play up.  She doesn't respect adult authority, she analyses why she should do things and if she thinks it's not important then she won't do it.

    5 hours is a very long time to sit in one spot.  I think the best thing is to leave him be for a while to process whatever it is he is feeling and he will be more likely to leave that spot on his own.  Sometimes, repeatedly cajoling and offering solutions just feels like overwhelming input to someone on the spectrum and it doesn't get the result you need or want.

    You aren't a bad parent.  And you are not alone.  I am pretty housebound when my daughter is home as she is so stressful to take out, she runs off, has meltdowns and is like a black cloud to have around.  So I avoid going out unless I really have no choice.

Reply

  • My 8yo frequently fights me when it's time to get washed and dressed.  Thankfully, on school days she is worried enough about being in trouble with the school and the pressure of the taxi arriving at a certain time to behave.  But when there is no school, it's a nightmare.  I am sure she will play me up more when she is older, she is already very oppositional.  The only thing I have come up with is distraction for times when she is fixated on a certain behaviour, but even that doesn't work when she is determined to play up.  She doesn't respect adult authority, she analyses why she should do things and if she thinks it's not important then she won't do it.

    5 hours is a very long time to sit in one spot.  I think the best thing is to leave him be for a while to process whatever it is he is feeling and he will be more likely to leave that spot on his own.  Sometimes, repeatedly cajoling and offering solutions just feels like overwhelming input to someone on the spectrum and it doesn't get the result you need or want.

    You aren't a bad parent.  And you are not alone.  I am pretty housebound when my daughter is home as she is so stressful to take out, she runs off, has meltdowns and is like a black cloud to have around.  So I avoid going out unless I really have no choice.

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