Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi
I’m a recently diagnosed 38 year old female and have been feeling pretty confused since my diagnosis. I’ve always known I was different, so my results were not exactly a surprise but it did make me realise how ignorant I had been about understanding Autism. So, as I’m sure the majority of you also did, I threw myself into intense research and a lot of my life suddenly made sense. But atm I feel like 2 people in 1. There is Asd me who embraces all my traits and then “normal” me who still tries to do “normal “ For example, I will still force on clothes that I hate, because then I’ll fit in or attempt a coversation with a passing dog walker about the weather, which quite frankly does not interest me in the slightest.
Do you know? I just realised whilst typing, I think I’m just struggling to fully unmask.
Did any of you experience this? Is this a normal reaction?
It takes time to integrate a diagnosis and understand what masking means to you. If it's built up over all those years it's not going to be reversed over night. Chip away at the things which are more obvious to change first. Accept that sometimes you might need to mask in order to keep living certain aspects of your life the way you did before. (Like for me, working). It takes time and courage to start living your life on your own terms. I think your reaction is common and part of some sort of process. I have somewhat dropped the mask in certain situations and I think no one actually notices any difference. But im much calmer and confident in myself. Fortunately, I've learned as a woman, there are things I can probably get away with a lot more than I've previously realised.
Thank you. Again you’re much better with the words. I struggle to explain myself sometimes plus I’m still a little nervous with being a newbie on here.