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Is this the Asd or just me?

M84
over 1 year ago

Hi Wave 

I’m a recently diagnosed 38 year old female and have been feeling pretty confused since my diagnosis. I’ve always known I was different, so my results were not exactly a surprise but it did make me realise how ignorant I had been about understanding Autism. So, as I’m sure the majority of you also did, I threw myself into intense research and a lot of my life suddenly made sense. But atm I feel like 2 people in 1. There is Asd me who embraces all my traits and then “normal” me who still tries to do “normal “ For example, I will still force on clothes that I hate, because then I’ll fit in or attempt a coversation with a passing dog walker about the weather, which quite frankly does not interest me in the slightest.

Do you know? I just realised whilst typing, I think I’m just struggling to fully unmask. 

Did any of you experience this? Is this a normal reaction?

Parents
  • over 1 year ago

    Hi again. I totally relate to what you're saying. I have gradually and somewhat subconsciously started unmasking at home with my boyfriend. However, outside with people, I still mask (subconsciously, most likely, after decades of social masking).

    However, if I have to make a complaint to a company on the phone at home and they are giving me a hard time, I unmask - probably out of frustration and anger. I become "rude" to them and I constantly interrupt them. So maybe my emotions are linked with masking or unmasking?? When I'm calm at home I can unmask in a safe environment, but I doubt I can unmask in public, it's too ingrained in me as others have commented. Perhaps unless someone upsets me?!

Reply
  • over 1 year ago

    Hi again. I totally relate to what you're saying. I have gradually and somewhat subconsciously started unmasking at home with my boyfriend. However, outside with people, I still mask (subconsciously, most likely, after decades of social masking).

    However, if I have to make a complaint to a company on the phone at home and they are giving me a hard time, I unmask - probably out of frustration and anger. I become "rude" to them and I constantly interrupt them. So maybe my emotions are linked with masking or unmasking?? When I'm calm at home I can unmask in a safe environment, but I doubt I can unmask in public, it's too ingrained in me as others have commented. Perhaps unless someone upsets me?!

Children
  • over 1 year ago in reply to Kitty Pes

    This is so true! I just struggle with the words sometimes. I realise now that some masking IS completely ingrained and probably for good reason. I get easily frustrated and anger too quickly, I hate any kind of confrontation. You’re right too about the safe and calm environment, this is the only time I am the most true form of myself, when it’s just me, the bf and my little menagerie. During the day when I have to actually ‘adult’ and  function, different story.