Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello
I am 40 years old, married, 2 children (boy and a girl aged 11 and 7).
Our son has a formal diagnosis of high functioning ASD. Although immensley challenging for us as a family, progress is being made, in no small part due to help from the NAS, however mainly from the determination, dedication, and unconditional love shown by my wife to our family.
I had a fairly tough childhood, and although fairly successful in my career, I find many social settings awkward, and I have quite a few I obsessive tendencies, not to mention at times a degree of emotional dis-attachment. I have let my family down by not doing nearly enough in leading from the front on our family's journey with AS, and for that I feel immense guilt.
All too often, my wife finds it hard coping with me as we'll as our son, and after being together for 16 years I fear our marriage may be over due to this and nothing else.
As you may have probably guessed by now, there is a fair chance that I am higher up the spectrum than earlier thought. I tried to go for a diagnosis a few years ago but got fobbed off.
I am after anyone (sorry to be sexist, but preferably a bloke) in a similar position to me, and who may be able to advise any coping strategies for me.
Thanks.
One thing you do need to remember, is that despite the Autism Strategy, the support is exceedingly thin on the ground. Even if/when you get your diagnosis, they won't wave a magic wand and make you have no more meltdowns. You will still have the same traits then as you do now. Even if they offer you CBT or whichever therapy, it will probably only help you analyse yourself and on occasion apply a coping strategy. But as I'm sure you know, when a meltdown is coming, it's almost impossible to stop.
If you are already aware that you have all/most of the traits of autism, having an official diagnosis won't make you understand yourself any more than you already do, it's an official stamp. I knew 6 years before I got my diagnosis that I had AS, it was just that having the diagnosis proves it to others and validates it for yourself (so there is a sense of relief).
I just wouldn't want you to hope for miracles that will save your marriage, as they won't materialise and you won't get a personality transplant. Whatever needs doing by you to improve things, you can start working on now.
Mention I usually exchange or sell or even donate all unwanted gifts. It allows me not to clutter my space.