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Knowing how to help my Husband...

Morgie

My husband has not been diagnosed (and isn't sure yet if he wants to be), and I am struggling to understand what I can do to help him. He had never even considered that he could possibly have Aspergers until rescently. So it has been a big shock to him, I was not surprised when he told me the results he had got on an online ASD test though. I have talked to him about how he feels, and he has opened up to me lately, much more than he ever has done, but other than listening and trying to be supportive, I feel and (from our conversation last night) so does he, that I should be doing more to accomodate his behaviour. Previously I had put it down to being arrogant and at times uncaring. It is difficult to change the way I respond to him, even though I am now aware of what may be causing his behaviour. 

Parents

  • Certainly Aspergers/ASC is a recognised factor in marriage break ups, and there is plenty of literature on the subject, one already mentioned by funmum, above, but I could add "Asperger's Syndrome and Adults ... Is anyone listening? Essays and poems by partners, parents and family members of adults with Asperger's Syndrome" collected by Karen E Rodman, Jessica Kingsley Publishers 2003. Then there is Barbara Jacobs "Loving Mr Spock - Asperger's Syndrome and how to make your relationship work" Penguin 2003.

    Because it is difficult to express emotion and respond to emotion, as well as to read the non-verbal elements, which predominate over verbal in relationships, people on the spectrum are really taxed to say and do the right things. It easily comes down to practical and factual, with no softening of the edges, or understanding whether something said is hurtful.

    So while I understand openheart may be implying that such behaviour has lots of explanations - why not go all out and say its just men! - men unfortunately do seem to get branded as unsympathetic.

    My understanding of the situation, not from personal experience as I don't have the wherewithall to form relationships, is that what you describe can be down to ASC factors and needs to be taken seriously.

    Good luck

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  • Certainly Aspergers/ASC is a recognised factor in marriage break ups, and there is plenty of literature on the subject, one already mentioned by funmum, above, but I could add "Asperger's Syndrome and Adults ... Is anyone listening? Essays and poems by partners, parents and family members of adults with Asperger's Syndrome" collected by Karen E Rodman, Jessica Kingsley Publishers 2003. Then there is Barbara Jacobs "Loving Mr Spock - Asperger's Syndrome and how to make your relationship work" Penguin 2003.

    Because it is difficult to express emotion and respond to emotion, as well as to read the non-verbal elements, which predominate over verbal in relationships, people on the spectrum are really taxed to say and do the right things. It easily comes down to practical and factual, with no softening of the edges, or understanding whether something said is hurtful.

    So while I understand openheart may be implying that such behaviour has lots of explanations - why not go all out and say its just men! - men unfortunately do seem to get branded as unsympathetic.

    My understanding of the situation, not from personal experience as I don't have the wherewithall to form relationships, is that what you describe can be down to ASC factors and needs to be taken seriously.

    Good luck

Children
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