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Knowing how to help my Husband...

Morgie

My husband has not been diagnosed (and isn't sure yet if he wants to be), and I am struggling to understand what I can do to help him. He had never even considered that he could possibly have Aspergers until rescently. So it has been a big shock to him, I was not surprised when he told me the results he had got on an online ASD test though. I have talked to him about how he feels, and he has opened up to me lately, much more than he ever has done, but other than listening and trying to be supportive, I feel and (from our conversation last night) so does he, that I should be doing more to accomodate his behaviour. Previously I had put it down to being arrogant and at times uncaring. It is difficult to change the way I respond to him, even though I am now aware of what may be causing his behaviour. 

Parents

  • Hi Morgie

    I have not posted on this topic before. My husband is not diagnosed either and is not open to the possibility. Knowing about ASD had helped me understand him better but I need him to try to understand me too. The seemingly arrogant and uncaring behaviour is actually very hurtful and draining, I find, whether it is intended or not. It is only when he makes a real effort to engage with my concerns that progress is made. Otherwise it is all 'my problem'. Sometimes it is easier not to say and do anything to upset things but this is not healthy for a long term relationship.

    So I don't think you should accommodate your husband's behaviour. You can try to understand him and be supportive but you need an outlet for your feelings too. Having said that, there is a good book which outlines the ways you can be supportive and recognises the problems couples face: "The Other Half of Asperger Syndrome" by Maxine Aston (NAS bookshop).

    Good Luck!

Reply

  • Hi Morgie

    I have not posted on this topic before. My husband is not diagnosed either and is not open to the possibility. Knowing about ASD had helped me understand him better but I need him to try to understand me too. The seemingly arrogant and uncaring behaviour is actually very hurtful and draining, I find, whether it is intended or not. It is only when he makes a real effort to engage with my concerns that progress is made. Otherwise it is all 'my problem'. Sometimes it is easier not to say and do anything to upset things but this is not healthy for a long term relationship.

    So I don't think you should accommodate your husband's behaviour. You can try to understand him and be supportive but you need an outlet for your feelings too. Having said that, there is a good book which outlines the ways you can be supportive and recognises the problems couples face: "The Other Half of Asperger Syndrome" by Maxine Aston (NAS bookshop).

    Good Luck!

Children
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