Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi Everyone,
My husband, mid 40s, together for nearly 15 years, has just been diagnosed as having autism. I want to support him as best as possible, and also want to improve communication between us, but I am finding it difficult.
He is going through a lot trying to come to terms with and understand his diagnosis. He is experiencing a feeling of loss, some confusion and a lot of anger, and also reinterpreting many events/situations from the past through the lens of his diagnosis. We have always had some communication challenges and I think we are just starting to find out a big part of the 'why!' I've tried talking to my family and in counselling but am struggling to get others to understand how challenging this is for us. I want to help him but I'm not sure where to start.
Do you have any advice on things that family members/ partners can do (or not do) to support someone going through coming to terms with diagnosis as an adult? Are there resources that you can suggest?
And do you have any recommendations for books, websites, online communities or other resources for partners and families? I have done a big Google but not much is coming up that's helpful.
Thank you!
Hi there.
There are many folks here who were diagnosed later in life, so your husband is not alone. I was assessed aged 67 and thought I would be the only oldie here, but no, there are several of us on this forum. In fact, mid-forties looks quite young from where I'm standing.
I rather like your line "... reinterpreting many events/situations from the past through the lens of his diagnosis."
I'm still doing that after two years and, of course, am still learning. The past becomes clearer and the present becomes more relaxed, well for me it does.
You've had some good advice on this thread. Someone mentioned Utube which I found very usefull, expecially in the early days.
It takes time and can be a bit difficult and emotional, but I wouldn't put the clock back for anything: quite simply - it's much better to know than not know; so many things now make sense to me.
Ben