AS and marriage communication

Hi, all I can say is communication is the biggest part of any marriage. I know it’s often not easy for autistic people to communicate our feelings, but I can only say how much worse it was before I realised I’m autistic. It is a bit of a learning process on both sides and is ongoing.  I try to explain how I’m feeling and what is triggering me. In some situations it only needs  a small adjustment to stop a breakdown of communication or me going into what my wife used to call ‘radio silence’ or obviously a shutdown. We now know that things like social invitations don’t need to cause weeks of hell. We just talk now as she knows it’s a big cause of anxiety for me, it doesn’t need to be a huge argument. I also obviously accept that she has a life and wants to mix with people.  Eating together and sometimes just adapting a meal slightly seems to work as well. Touch is another area we are still working on.

Hi, all I can say is communication is the biggest part of any marriage. I know it’s often not easy for autistic people to communicate our feelings, but I can only say how much worse it was before I realised I’m autistic. It is a bit of a learning process on both sides and is ongoing.  I try to explain how I’m feeling and what is triggering me. In some situations it only needs  a small adjustment to stop a breakdown of communication or me going into what my wife used to call ‘radio silence’ or obviously a shutdown. We now know that things like social invitations don’t need to cause weeks of hell. We just talk now as she knows it’s a big cause of anxiety for me, it doesn’t need to be a huge argument. I also obviously accept that she has a life and wants to mix with people.  Eating together and sometimes just adapting a meal slightly seems to work as well. Touch is another area we are still working on.

I get this 100% but also now, i used to force myself to do things I didnt want to do.  It would cause me anxiety and then guilt if i didn't want to do something trivial.....like visiting a relative or something like that.

Now, i just say no and explain why.  No issue if you can explain the reasons why.  Luckily, my partner now understands the reasons why, rather than just thinking i was being anti social......but....

By god, its so hard to speak about what goes on in my head.  I literally have to boot a door in through my psyche to get the words to match the feelings because..... it doesnt make sense to me.  It makes a HUGE difference though.  

Like you, i would shut down......often over trival stuff.  Lock myself in the bathroom......at my worst, used to self harm because I couldnt speak about it because i didnt have a reason.  Now i do and just a few simple words can make what would have been a bad, a good day.....just by talking.