Feeling lost and confused

Hi Sarah, I'm in the process of being diagnosed,  but this is merely a formality now,  and I can totally relate to the confusion around being autistic. I'm 36 and super confused with what this means, but equally, it offers crystal clear clarity on certain matters. I'm told I get on great with others, professionally I work great with people, yet personally I don't get people, they confuse me, I don't get social cues and when you look at it that way its obvious why I am confused. Hearing testimonials like yours and researching more on how people handle Neuro Divergent life does bring me some peace, if not answers. In that, there is a collection of us who are the same and struggle the same way and are kind of not alone. But to cut my ramble short, I  have found in professional or formal situations, I take comfort in setting the scene by declaring my Autism and how it can or will affect my interaction with them. People like to be put at ease and NT people seem to be great at reacting to the 'invisible' cues we can't, so I stress things that I feel are negative of mine to put their mind at ease. (I worked in sales for a long time and realise I did this with my customers to great success). 

So I will offer an early apology about how I am. i.e, I do talk a lot, or might overload you with info so please let me know, and I'll happily re-explain, etc. I've noticed that something as simple as this really helps. As people are already thinking, 'I'm dealing with an autistic person, and they said to watch out for this,' but then things like lack of eye contact or other traits are equally processed as not being a problem, threat, or cause for offense and its generally pleasurable or just easier for me to navigate. 

With that said, personal interaction with people I am close to, I don't do this, and It takes me a while to open up. My nearest and dearest are aware of my condition, but others are not, as I fear that with an official diagnosis, I feel I have no right to declare I am autistic, yet my whole existence and experience is an autistic one. Strange, I know, but this is a block for me. As a result, I do find communication to be awkward at times me getting bored of them as much as they are of me. But I feel I f I can set the scene and let people know early enough about my autism, it helps. And it also allows others to understand me in ways they never know. Which I think is what it all boils down to, right? Not being understood or fear of it and hence all the baggage that comes with that. 

Sorry for the word count. 

Hi Sarah, I'm in the process of being diagnosed,  but this is merely a formality now,  and I can totally relate to the confusion around being autistic. I'm 36 and super confused with what this means, but equally, it offers crystal clear clarity on certain matters. I'm told I get on great with others, professionally I work great with people, yet personally I don't get people, they confuse me, I don't get social cues and when you look at it that way its obvious why I am confused. Hearing testimonials like yours and researching more on how people handle Neuro Divergent life does bring me some peace, if not answers. In that, there is a collection of us who are the same and struggle the same way and are kind of not alone. But to cut my ramble short, I  have found in professional or formal situations, I take comfort in setting the scene by declaring my Autism and how it can or will affect my interaction with them. People like to be put at ease and NT people seem to be great at reacting to the 'invisible' cues we can't, so I stress things that I feel are negative of mine to put their mind at ease. (I worked in sales for a long time and realise I did this with my customers to great success). 

So I will offer an early apology about how I am. i.e, I do talk a lot, or might overload you with info so please let me know, and I'll happily re-explain, etc. I've noticed that something as simple as this really helps. As people are already thinking, 'I'm dealing with an autistic person, and they said to watch out for this,' but then things like lack of eye contact or other traits are equally processed as not being a problem, threat, or cause for offense and its generally pleasurable or just easier for me to navigate. 

With that said, personal interaction with people I am close to, I don't do this, and It takes me a while to open up. My nearest and dearest are aware of my condition, but others are not, as I fear that with an official diagnosis, I feel I have no right to declare I am autistic, yet my whole existence and experience is an autistic one. Strange, I know, but this is a block for me. As a result, I do find communication to be awkward at times me getting bored of them as much as they are of me. But I feel I f I can set the scene and let people know early enough about my autism, it helps. And it also allows others to understand me in ways they never know. Which I think is what it all boils down to, right? Not being understood or fear of it and hence all the baggage that comes with that. 

Sorry for the word count.