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Grandparents

NAS81494

Hi new here but just wondering if there is a thread for us grandparents ? 

We are very close to our grandchildren our grandson is 8 not yet diagnosed but clearly autistic . He is a avid reader and piles through books quickly ,Harry Potter is his favourite just now and he enjoys David Walliams loves the humour .

Our grandson is highly sensitive with his clothes especially school uniform , socks and shoes . He no longer wears uniform for school now after a very difficult period getting him dressed for school. His Mum and dad worked hard and decided to stop school uniform school were helpful in the end. Summer holidays raised the clothes problem but more so socks, shoes or sandals with some days impossible to get out . 

we as grandparents wish to support him and our son and his wife . All advise welcome .Grinning

  • I have looked at your various replies.

    I note that say you stay somewhere you have your own space on holidays. We always go self catering now and where possible go somewhere we have been before.

    My son has more sensitivity about clothes if he is anxious.

    It is helpful that you try to understand him and he spends time with you. We find very few people we know really understand our son's difficulties and that his responses are due to anxiety. It is often can't rather than won't.

    Our son gets unsettled about anything different, even if it is something he wants to do. It is hard to go somewhere he doesn't know, so he likes to either see it on the internet or visit before an event 

    Spending time with him to give his parents a break is very helpful. As parents we can never totally relax. It can feel like walking on eggshells. 

  • in reply to Deleted User

    That's so sad Wendy I gather they thought you were being naughty rather than needing their love and understanding . Thank you for your kind words. 

  • in reply to Autimator

    That's a good suggestion it might be about going out but clothes become the focus of his distress . 
    We went on holiday to Cyprus for two weeks in a villa just so we had control of the space, interestingly dressing and shoes was not a big thing only on two occasions out of the two weeks. He also twists his hair so much so he has a few bald patches we have got twiggle things for him and just gently stop him twisting his hair as his class mates started to notice which upset him. 
    I am glad I have reached out as different prospective helps. 

  • in reply to NAS81494

    You described his sensory difficulties but added things that suggest he is anxious, either generally or about going out, and they may be related, but important to understand what's behind his distress or difficult getting shoes on, or going out.  Distraction can help take his mind of what is troubling him.  

  • in reply to Autimator
    • Hi we have our little chap for lots of sleep overs with his sister I used to take them to school but became impossible to leave for school. My son has had to change his start time in work so they are both home to ensure the school run goes better . I pick up . We have to use distraction and keep up a constant chatter with him . This weekend he could not pout his sandals on and became distressed as he wanted to go out. I left him be then tried again with some success sandals on we got as far as the door mat he said " Nainy I can't do it " I chatted on saying I can't remember where on the beach he did a castle with school and held his hand while moving off the mat and into the drive . We got out had our ice cream and came straight home. 
      I realise me and grandad have got to find our own ways to get him dressed and out We holiday together and they have lived with us twice while they did up their own home. 
      I think I reaching out as yesterday I got myself upset worrying about the grandchildren and my son and his wife. My son has become ill with stress related IBS . His constant chatter presently is Harry Potter. Thank you everyone for your replies. 

  • Your so nice. You sound awesome grandparents.

    My grandparents don't understand me sadly. They pretty much don't bother with me anymore. I hope you find the National Autistic Society a great place to be.

  • I'm not sure you could support much with his sensory issues related to clothes, that's more a case of acceptance about him and how your son and his wife are handling his difficulties, though you could offer to take him to school or other places now and then.     

  • Hi, I think you have most probably just started a thread for grand parents! So nice to hear from grand parents that actually accept autism as a condition and not bad behaviour. You can ask any question you think might help your grand child here, we are quite a spectrum of people! 

  • Hi welcome. I think it's lovely that you are so supportive of your grandchildren. My grandparents have never accepted my autism which caused a rift. Yours are so lucky to have you.

    I had a look round the community and can't see a grandparent section but there is a parents and carers section so you might want to have a look here:

    https://community.autism.org.uk/f/parents-and-carers

    I hope this is of some help to you and you can find the advice you are looking for.

  • I have no advice but can I say that it is lovely to hear as grandparents you want to support your grandson and that you are accepting of him. Just being on here you are supporting him. 

    I wish you luck