Skip to main content
Close Button
Donate
  • Replies 11 replies
  • Subscribers 95 subscribers
  • Views 1613 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

New but "Old" and Confused

manofkent
over 2 years ago

So, I'm a new member so I figured that I should introduce myself.

I was diagnosed ASD (Asperger's) two years ago, just a couple of weeks before my 50th birthday.  In some ways it has been a relief to finally understand some of my past behaviours and issues - the ones that made me feel anxious but appeared to others as just being awkward.  Some of the lifetime's worth of guilt lifted, I understand why I like being alone, get obsessed with topics, have to read up on subjects just so that I *know*...

Covid has been amazing for me.  Social distancing was something I had been practicing for my entire life.  Work From Home... bring it on.  Anxiety levels plummeted.  yet now, everyone is expecting normal again - although WFH is still happening for 4 days per week.

However, there's a flip and it's partly why I'm here.  Who am I? Really, who?  My entire identity feels like it's been stripped away.  I no longer know how I'm supposed to act etc (although I also understand that's not really a question).  I'm not shy about telling people I'm autistic - I work in the NHS so it's easy to be open in that sense. But my neuro-divergent brain needs to understand how neuro-divergent people are supposed to behave... I now worry that I'm coming across as playing on it, justifying bad behaviour or attitude as my autism when in reality it's not and perhaps others still think I'm taking the piss or something...

So anyway, "Hi" to anyone who reads this.

PS Yeah, oversharing and overanalysing. I know ;)

Parents
  • over 2 years ago

    Most important discovery of mine since selfidentification was stimming, and it's positive effect on me, I suppose except nailbiting I was suppressing/masking all its forms all my life, and it's the easiest way to ease anxiety

  • over 2 years ago in reply to Mariusz

    Thats really interesting. I’ve been experiencing that too. Since living alone again, and especially since diagnosis. Nothing major or dramatic. Ive always had small discrete stims like pulling on eyelashes on eyebrow hairs. And i developed some compulsive tics for a while as a child - constantly turning my head to check that inner doors were closed, cushions were straight etc. 

    But I think there was impatience with that from my parents that I internalised so suppressed a lot. 

    But now, I find myself additionally pushing pressure points in my hands (one on the other), pushing hands  together, and finger tapping, and even rocking just the tiniest bit when trying to go to sleep. Its just this diffuse little spreading of partial tension release across the day (if alone) or evening. 

    i notice that I even do it in work a little more than before, though its still very contained (out of habit) when visiting my parents or siblings. And in those moments I question internally  how much I ‘need’ to do it at all. Except, the growing sense of subtle but intense unreleased tension in me  (once so common it felt normal) during those times tells me the answer. It’s less of a need than a help. Though really its both

Reply
  • over 2 years ago in reply to Mariusz

    Thats really interesting. I’ve been experiencing that too. Since living alone again, and especially since diagnosis. Nothing major or dramatic. Ive always had small discrete stims like pulling on eyelashes on eyebrow hairs. And i developed some compulsive tics for a while as a child - constantly turning my head to check that inner doors were closed, cushions were straight etc. 

    But I think there was impatience with that from my parents that I internalised so suppressed a lot. 

    But now, I find myself additionally pushing pressure points in my hands (one on the other), pushing hands  together, and finger tapping, and even rocking just the tiniest bit when trying to go to sleep. Its just this diffuse little spreading of partial tension release across the day (if alone) or evening. 

    i notice that I even do it in work a little more than before, though its still very contained (out of habit) when visiting my parents or siblings. And in those moments I question internally  how much I ‘need’ to do it at all. Except, the growing sense of subtle but intense unreleased tension in me  (once so common it felt normal) during those times tells me the answer. It’s less of a need than a help. Though really its both

Children