Published on 12, July, 2020
So, I'm a new member so I figured that I should introduce myself.
I was diagnosed ASD (Asperger's) two years ago, just a couple of weeks before my 50th birthday. In some ways it has been a relief to finally understand some of my past behaviours and issues - the ones that made me feel anxious but appeared to others as just being awkward. Some of the lifetime's worth of guilt lifted, I understand why I like being alone, get obsessed with topics, have to read up on subjects just so that I *know*...
Covid has been amazing for me. Social distancing was something I had been practicing for my entire life. Work From Home... bring it on. Anxiety levels plummeted. yet now, everyone is expecting normal again - although WFH is still happening for 4 days per week.
However, there's a flip and it's partly why I'm here. Who am I? Really, who? My entire identity feels like it's been stripped away. I no longer know how I'm supposed to act etc (although I also understand that's not really a question). I'm not shy about telling people I'm autistic - I work in the NHS so it's easy to be open in that sense. But my neuro-divergent brain needs to understand how neuro-divergent people are supposed to behave... I now worry that I'm coming across as playing on it, justifying bad behaviour or attitude as my autism when in reality it's not and perhaps others still think I'm taking the piss or something...
So anyway, "Hi" to anyone who reads this.
PS Yeah, oversharing and overanalysing. I know ;)
Most important discovery of mine since selfidentification was stimming, and it's positive effect on me, I suppose except nailbiting I was suppressing/masking all its forms all my life, and it's the easiest way to ease anxiety
Indeed, I had a few pretty outlandish stims emerge under the stress of medical interventions. My husband thought I was going nuts. I thought I was going nuts. Now I know what they are, I can let them be and feel better.