Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone, we received a diagnosis for our son last year and he has Autism. I always remember the psychologist saying to us that he has the worst possible diagnosis in that it isn't apparently visible and so when he does start to get distressed in public it just appears as bad behaviour. Likewise at school, he doesn't get the support he needs because they look and think oh he seems to be doing ok, but it's all going on inside his poor little mind and body.
We are currently on holiday on Spain and it has by and large felt like torture and it also feels like the stress is tearing my wife and I apart. Yesterday my son, who is 9 years old turned around and swore at his mother. This is not new behaviour as it happens on a daily basis. However, this episode feels like it was the straw that broke the camel's back. My wife just burst into tears and spent the evening back in our holiday home in tears. I just feel that it was this one time too many and she just couldn't cope. This may sound strange but even though my son was diagnosed over a year ago it feels like it is only NOW that we are getting to a place of accepting it, really accepting it at a deep level. I feel like I reached this point a few months back but my wife is now only just getting to this place of acceptance. The stress from having to constantly manage our lovely boy, who we both adore, feels Ike it's tearing her and I apart and I even found myself thinking last night that maybe we would be better off separating.This is more out of desperation than anything else.
My son has a diagnosis as such where if you were to see him, say playing around the pool etc you would not see any autistic traits or behaviour. Therefore when he does react to say having lotion applied we just feel embarrassed by the looks over from the other parents or people who are present. I know I shouldn't be bothered as he can't help it but I do. We are both sensitive people and so end up feeling really ashamed and end up leaving which in turn affects our other daughter. I feel so acutely aware of how much our little girl also suffers from her brothers behaviour.
I have made a decision that I am going to become an expert in autism in order to be the best possible parent to our son because I believe he needs us to be there for him. I would love to hear the holiday experiences from other parents as we are currently feeling isolated and lonely with it all. It feels like we are at the beginning of our journey but our son needs us and he needs us to figure this out so that we can parent him better.
On a practical level, we always use Ultrasun sports spray, it sprays on, isn't thick, oily or greasy and one application lasts all day. It bonds to the skin, needing 15 minutes before going out into the sun, so is waterproof. I am autistic and have very fair skin, as does my autistic daughter, but find most skin products repellent due to their oily or sticky nature, so I understand how your son feels about having sun lotion applied.
Yes - I hate sun lotion. I hate applying it and I hate the feel of it on my skin. Some are definitely better than others though.
The one I use that I find good is Nivea UV face Anti-Age and Anti-pigment Q10 Factor 50. I bought it once because it was in a little easy to carry tube but I found it to have a nice texture that wasn’t sticky. It’s really nice. Smells ok too which also matters a lot to me. Of course the other option is to cover up with thin long sleeved cotton clothing - then you don’t need to use so much sunblock. Hats are good too. If you don’t want to put sunblock on your face so much.
or might your son prefer to apply his own lotion - so he felt more in control of it?
Good luck - hope your holiday improved a bit anyway!