Published on 12, July, 2020
In a nutshell, my sister is autistic. She is extremely intelligent (she attended an Ivy League school!) but struggles with social cues. This usually results in her dismissing me and being rude. My parents always tell me to get over it and that she can't help herself because she's autistic. But she doesn't let loose on others in the same way she does on me, so I don't think they get it. She just spits on it/me whenever something wonderful occurs to me, and she never, ever apologizes.
Perhaps send her an email saying you sense animosity and ask if there is something on your end which also feels frustrating to her. Ask if she would like to meet over coffee in a month or two and perhaps you both could write down ways which you feel mistreated. Perhaps there is something that your parents have done.
Either way, give her enough space to think through this. And ask her if there are Ethics which might help you both create a kinder atmosphere toward and with one another.
I wouldn't suggest being too overwhelming. Learning one technique or principle of affording dignity and kindness at a time, over several years can produce a much stronger bond and healthier relationship. Work long-term not short term. And yes, it is perfectly reasonable to use proper boundaries with one another.
Many of us (autistic) go through life feeling assaulted, marginalised and rejected. We can end up responding in a Survival Mode, which can be a sort of self-focused mode of being to stay alive. Learning to thrive and find ways of being vulnerable in a hostile environment is important and often overlooked.
Autistic people can be also be unpleasant people, but the former does not lead to the latter. Most autistic people who do not have intellectual disability, make a genuine attempt to treat others well. Even though we do not pick up on social cues very accurately, if we are told that we have upset someone, we apologise and try to modify our behaviour. Sounds like your sister has some animus against you personally. You do not need to accept this as merely the product of her autism. If you tell her plainly and accurately the effect her behaviour has on you, then the social blindness disappears and that excuse also disappears.