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NT married to partner on the spectrum

NAS79554
over 2 years ago

Hi,

I just want to see if anyone is in the same shoes as me?

I feel lonely and my partner doesn't want to explore his own autistic spectrum, traits, or blind spots. And he won't let me ask his family about this either. And , on top of it all, I realized that both my parents are also autistic and they are not any emotional support for me (never have been unfortunately).

I can't afford a therapist says my husband. Or he says that he can't afford one for us, or himself, or me. 

I'm sad. I just want to have someone who understands me.

Is this the right or wrong place to ask ?

Parents
  • over 2 years ago

    er a few clarifications.

    When you say 'explore his own autistic spectrum, traits, or blind spots' do you basically mean sitting him down and telling him how his autistic behaviour is basically unacceptable to you and you demand he changes? Because if that's the gist of it I'm unsurprised he's not keen.

    NAS79554 said:
    I can't afford a therapist says my husband. Or he says that he can't afford one for us, or himself, or me.

    I mean I don't know your financial situation but therapy off the NHS is very expensive.

    NAS79554 said:
    Is this the right or wrong place to ask ?

    Well that depends we're still trying to figure out what the question is.

  • over 2 years ago in reply to Peter

    Well, I am just looking for emotional support because I am very surprised by not understanding or knowing my husband. We married before this came to surface. And he sometimes is very rude and mean to me when I am sad, and i realize he can't relate to how I am feeling at all. He just thinks I am angry. Obviously he can't see the difference, and it is his neurology not my fault. I just don't know how to cope. I just thought he was going through a depression . 

    And I thought my parents just had other issues. But it is clear to me now that they also are on the spectrum. I have absolutely no one to talk to.

  • over 2 years ago in reply to NAS79554

    You probably can talk to your husband. You just need to frame it in a particular way.

    A few suggestions.

    1. Don't ask questions you don't want to hear the answers to. If you ask 'does my bum look big in this' be aware yes is a possible answer.
    2. When initiating conversation don't ask 'what are you thinking,' it's too vague and open ended. Ask 'what do you think about X,' instead.
    3. Don't lead with 'when you do X it makes me feel bad.' Start with 'I don't understand why you do X. Can you help me understand.'
    4. If you talk to him about something that makes you feel bad do expect him to treat it like a problem to be solved.
Reply
  • over 2 years ago in reply to NAS79554

    You probably can talk to your husband. You just need to frame it in a particular way.

    A few suggestions.

    1. Don't ask questions you don't want to hear the answers to. If you ask 'does my bum look big in this' be aware yes is a possible answer.
    2. When initiating conversation don't ask 'what are you thinking,' it's too vague and open ended. Ask 'what do you think about X,' instead.
    3. Don't lead with 'when you do X it makes me feel bad.' Start with 'I don't understand why you do X. Can you help me understand.'
    4. If you talk to him about something that makes you feel bad do expect him to treat it like a problem to be solved.
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