Struggling with everyday

Thank you so very much.  Your response really means a lot to me. It's just so very reassuring to know that I'm not alone.  You are completely right how difficult just facing the day is and then the guilt that comes with that.  I'm trying to learn to just congratulate myself for the smallest of things - such as ironing - which I know seems pathetic but these little things just feel like such a struggle to me at the minute.  Please know that I am always here for you too. 

Thank you.  I tell myself everyday to be kinder to myself but it's just so hard.  I would never be unkind to others but Gosh I'm unkind to myself.

That's such good advice.  Thank you because I do tend to forget what I want to say.

I also struggled for decades with depression and those kinds of low self-esteem thoughts ("I'm useless, weird etc.").  Masking definitely has a psychological cost too.  Getting my autism diagnosis last year helped A LOT in changing my self-perception.  I still have low self-esteem, but I'm more aware that there is a reason I can't cope with things other people find easy and more forgiving of myself.  You shouldn't feel guilty for how you are.  Please try to be kind to yourself!

I'm pleased.  If you don't mind me saying, it might help if you write down what you want to say beforehand, because, if you're like me, it's really easy to forget something important in the appointment, particularly if you're nervous.

Please don’t say sorry - I totally understand. I feel a lot of guilt too about how I struggle with everything so much at the moment - and how it impacts on my family (my youngest son in particular who has his own struggles to cope with). At the moment though I just can’t keep everything in and pretend I’m ok. I’m not ok - not even close to being ok unfortunately. You’re not ‘useless’ - being autistic and having mental health problems is incredibly hard and requires tremendous courage - even just to face the day. You’re stronger than you feel you are to be dealing with all of this - and to be trying to get back to work etc - you’re doing well just to keep going when things feel so overwhelming. I’m sure your family don’t  see you as a burden - I’m sure they just want to help you but probably don’t know how to. Imagine if it was the other way round and they were struggling - you wouldn’t see them as a burden would you? Because you love them. 

i am experiencing similar things and it’s hard to imagine things getting better some times. Deep down though I know it’s true that nothing lasts forever - especially mental states which always change eventually. One day we will wake up and realise that some of those black clouds hanging above us seem just a little less dark - and there is a little bit of light peeking through. It’s just a matter of time until there is a change in the weather, the weather always changes eventually, that’s Nature, it’s human nature that our lives change and move on eventually. 
I’m sorry that you are crying so much too. I don’t know where all the tears come from - I’m the same. I feel it’s good to cry though - I’m sure it is. It releases something from within is that we need to get out - and sometimes crying is the only way of doing that. 
try to be kind to yourself - just as you would with someone you love, or a friend. We are too hard on ourselves - especially as mothers, there is so much guilt. But we are only human and we are trying our best. Take care - and know that you’re not alone,p. This community is full of supportive people who understand. 
I'm always here for you if you need to talk. I hope things ease for you soon,

take care

Thank you so much.  It's awful isn't it - it just takes over your whole body and you can't stop.  This morning it was particularly bad and then throughout the day I have just cried on and off all day.  

I have suffered with depression and anxiety for a number of years - it started when I was 11 and then has come and gone over the years - getting worse each episode.  I have been off work for six months and am just returning by way of a phased return.  Work have agreed to me just working mornings which I'm hoping will help but I just can't fight this deep self loathing I have.

I am waiting my autism diagnosis and when I first realised I may be autistic it felt like a bit of a lightbulb moment - ahhh that's why I feel like that - I'm not weird I'm just wired differently but it is so difficult to fight the inner demons that have been in my head all of my life telling me I'm useless, weird, not normal.  I think it's these demons plus the years of masking that have just caught up with me and it's having such an awful effect on me - I just don't feel how I can cope then I feel guilty because I'm not the kind of person that can just get on and do everything that other people seem to be able to do easily.

I just feel like such a burden that I wonder of my husband and sons would have an easier life without me in it.  Sorry for the negative post but putting it down into words helps me.

This is how I am at the moment. I’ve never cried so frequently in my life. It’s not ‘normal’ crying either - it’s really visceral and comes from a very deep place inside me. It’s as a result of trauma from physical illness that I experienced last year. I’m am sorry Mrs G that you are struggling with this too. Do you know what’s causing your distress? I’m here for you if you want to talk. x 

Yes I'm going to speak to my GP tomorrow because I just don't see how I can carry on as I am

I also doubt that your family would be better off without you.  It's awful when you feel yourself to be a burden, but it's probably not how others see you.

Have you ever seen a GP about these feelings?  There may be some clinical depression that therapy or medication could help with.

Thank you so much for your reply.  I just can't stop the negative loops and the self loathing that has come back with gusto.

Thank you so much for your reply.  Just getting through each day is such a struggle.  I'm trying to concentrate on just getting through the next 5 minutes.  I'm just crying all of the time.  I hate who I am and the way I struggle with everyday things that others find so easy.  

Don’t give up you’re part of a movement in the world that’s long overdue. We need you 

I'll bet your family don't see you as a burden MrsG, they'll see you as the loving Mum who did so much for them when they were growing up. And now they have the chance to return some of that love, and help you while you're feeling down. Think of all the good times you had in the past, and try not to dwell on the present. You'll get through it.