Understanding anger and accepting it in others

Angers just a way of life. He'll at least half the world's angry right. All you have to do is go on social media and see that. Angers healthy anyway when channeled correctly. So long as your anger doesn't bring harm to those around a you I see nothing wrong it. 

DiffidAnt said:

Interesting post.

Thanks for sharing DA,

I also have a tendency to laugh not when someone is angry but usually if they've gotten a fright. It usually ends on a positive note but it's so difficult to contain as I find these things hilarious.  

I agree that expressing anger "unreasonably" is "undesirable" for all parties involved but sometimes it's unavoidable.  If this ever happens to me, which is rare, I apologise and take steps to make up for my behaviour.  

I'm also rational which makes it hard for me to understand why someone would act in a passive aggressive way because it makes no sense to me.  If I feel someone is acting angrily towards me, I'll ask them directly if I have done something to offend them in order that we can talk about it.  If their behaviour is causing me to fell angry then I will take a moment to calm down and think how they might be feeling before I confront them directly.  

I understand what you mean about the "self harm." I stopped the physical self harm but I tend to self sabotage by pushing possible partners/friends away.  I recognise when I am doing this but it's not always a bad thing because it sorts the wheat from the chaff. :-)

Interesting post. My emotions are very suppressed; occasionally, I feel really intense anger, but it tends to go away almost instantly. In the past, I've controlled this by harming myself; I suspect a better solution is to come up with some way to deal with the problems caused by long-term masking and disassociation. However, I don't know what that is at the moment.

In answer to 1, 3, 4, 5, and 6, I don't think anger is inherently wrong. In fact, I would suggest there is a moral dimension to most emotions; it is good to feel anger when seeing someone being harmed, for example. Conversely, it is not necessarily a virtue to be placid in the face of wrongdoing. For me at least, suppression is part of masking, and I think I would be better off doing less of it.

Regards 4, I think suppressing emotions, including anger, makes me less able to defend myself, Both expressing anger unreasonably, or not expressing it at all, are both undesirable.

Regards 2, I'm very rational, so if someone is angry at me for something that makes no sense, I sometimes can't help laughing. I don't have much of a sense of danger, so if someone is just incoherently shouting at me, they could do it all day without making a difference. I would be very upset if a person was angry because I'd hurt them in some way though.

extreme injustices to others or the self

Me too and I don't understand why some people feel it is okay to to be abusive or a bully to another person. :-(

my anger changes into tears

Depending on the reason for my anger, extreme injustices to others or the self provoke me to tears in anger.

I tend to let anger out in private (verbally) although I feel like I feel it all day as a self defence assist

Thanks for sharing P.  I sometimes let my anger out physically in another room - punching pillows or screaming into them when other people are not around so they can't hear me.  I'd LOVE to go to a rage room as I feel that would benefit me because I am always to measured when it comes to anger.  Much of my anger changes into tears quickly so I can get it out that way which is more comfortable to me than the initial stages of anger.

Paul said:

Looking forward to seeing what others have to say on this.

Thanks for sharing! You sound similar to me in many respects.  I look forward to hearing more perspectives. :-)

Good post H - I can identify with much of what you say and anger in others is one big trigger for my own anxiety regardless of whether others anger is directed at me or someone else.

1. I now recognize I am getting angry and try my best to repress it or deflect it away.  Because we don't got out much and I work from home, the only times I get angry are with my wife or something on TV.  I don't want to upset my wife and any anger against her may well be a knee jerk reaction and unjustified so I try and stop it as soon as I can.  If it is from the TV or some other source, I try and remove myself from the situation if possible.

2. I get very stressed if I see others shouting (I could never watch Eastenders for instance).  If I am the object of their rant then I get angry and start pushing back.  Because of a bad time with bullies at school I will not stand being bullied by someone now.  Fortunately this has not happened in years so it's a bit of a moot point really.

3. Anger has it's uses but I think we need to learn a bit of self control if possible however I know I get angry at such silly things and despite my best efforts, I can't seem to stop myself.  Another ASD trait I suppose.

4. Can't say I do this now but I have used anger as a defense in the past for sure.

5. No repressed anger these days except sometimes from a political/justice point from something in the news etc.  When I have had it in the past, then exercise or sport is the best way to deal with the feelings I have found.

6. I feel some of my anger is unacceptable because I recognize that it is reactionary in nature and not always logical.  If I could be certain I was 'right' I would be happier but as I get older, I know I am often not right or my memory is muddled so I check myself before letting the anger go.

Looking forward to seeing what others have to say on this.

I tend to let anger out in private (verbally) although I feel like I feel it all day as a self defence assist.