Finally diagnosed. Not sure how I feel about it.

41 year old female, just diagnosed. I’m still processing that.

I’ve been on this forum for some time but before receiving diagnosis I felt like an imposter so I’ve convinced myself that I shouldn’t talk to people (at least not too much) because I wasn’t formally diagnosed. But now I am. Maybe I’ll feel more comfortable in few weeks /months. 

Parents
  • Hi Ladybird, congratulations on your diagnosis and welcome to the forum.

    For me, when I received the call from the Assessment Team, it felt like they were announcing my bereavement—it was as if they were telling me me that the old, familiar 'Me' had died.  I reacted with shock and disbelief. Then, came denial (months later, I still had moments of denial). Autism? Asperger's Syndrome? Are they serious? What a load of rubbish! I then began to experience sudden bursts of anger over the memories of past difficulties, and I wanted to punish all those useless GPs who had dismissed me as a malingerer,  mis-diagnosed me or tried to get me to swallow buckets of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills supplied by their sponsors in the pharmaceutical industry.

    Next, I had sudden moments of sadness (accompanied by lots of tears). If only I'd known sooner, I could have changed this... and this. 

    I would not say I've completely accepted this new 'autistic Me'. But, I can say that I am much more patient with myself, and a lot kinder to myself too. 

    Slowly, I began to see clearly just how dysfunctional the outside world is (and how dysfunctional and unreliable the people who create and control it are). Now, I can choose not to be part of their collective insanity—or limit my exposure to it. And I have a good reason. It doesn't bring out the best in me. It's not designed for me to thrive, just barely survive. 

    Start by being gentle with yourself, Ladybird. Just notice how you talk to yourself in your head. Is it kind? Is it how you would talk to a friend? Use your first name when you talk to yourself and make your voice calm, gentle and supportive. Comfort yourself when you're in pain, and praise yourself regularly for even the smallest achievements. Learn to be your own best friend. Your own mother-figure, your own father-figure, your own lover and your own teacher. 

Reply
  • Hi Ladybird, congratulations on your diagnosis and welcome to the forum.

    For me, when I received the call from the Assessment Team, it felt like they were announcing my bereavement—it was as if they were telling me me that the old, familiar 'Me' had died.  I reacted with shock and disbelief. Then, came denial (months later, I still had moments of denial). Autism? Asperger's Syndrome? Are they serious? What a load of rubbish! I then began to experience sudden bursts of anger over the memories of past difficulties, and I wanted to punish all those useless GPs who had dismissed me as a malingerer,  mis-diagnosed me or tried to get me to swallow buckets of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety pills supplied by their sponsors in the pharmaceutical industry.

    Next, I had sudden moments of sadness (accompanied by lots of tears). If only I'd known sooner, I could have changed this... and this. 

    I would not say I've completely accepted this new 'autistic Me'. But, I can say that I am much more patient with myself, and a lot kinder to myself too. 

    Slowly, I began to see clearly just how dysfunctional the outside world is (and how dysfunctional and unreliable the people who create and control it are). Now, I can choose not to be part of their collective insanity—or limit my exposure to it. And I have a good reason. It doesn't bring out the best in me. It's not designed for me to thrive, just barely survive. 

    Start by being gentle with yourself, Ladybird. Just notice how you talk to yourself in your head. Is it kind? Is it how you would talk to a friend? Use your first name when you talk to yourself and make your voice calm, gentle and supportive. Comfort yourself when you're in pain, and praise yourself regularly for even the smallest achievements. Learn to be your own best friend. Your own mother-figure, your own father-figure, your own lover and your own teacher. 

Children