Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone,
since beginning my assessment very recently, I’ve been elated, confused, grief stricken, plus a whole array of other emotions. Now, after seeing my life in the past, through new eyes, I can see how my behaviour has never been Neuro-typical. It’s a wonderful realisation, to know exactly why I’ve spent my whole life struggling with everything, but now I’ve lost all confidence in how to communicate. I feel dumbstruck. I hate upsetting or offending anyone, it’s a trait at the heart of me and now I don’t know how to behave, I’m extremely confused. I can’t help feeling ‘masking’ throughout my life (I’m in my 50s) has made me a fraud, someone I don’t know anymore.
Yes, hindsight sucks, but we can't undo the past, only move forward from the now.
Good luck. I hope everything works out for you.
cheers.
Thanks exist.
I think I will probably say nothing, and let things take their course. Then a bit further down the line when the heat has dissipated a bit I'll tell her.
Just wish I'd known a few years ago
Yes, I think rigidity and temper can be very difficult to deal with and understand, especially when it comes to relationships.
Sometimes, it's difficult for us to see or understand the trauma we might be causing other people, even when it's laid out clearly in front of us.
But how can we understand others if we barely understand ourselves?
Yeah, that's a tough one.
Only you know the ins and out of your relationship and how the news might impact things.
Whatever happens though, I think it's important to broach the subject at some point. It's the when, the why, and the how that is the difficult bit.
I suppose it's all down to how receptive someone is to understanding why people are how they are. It all comes back to the why.
I hope it works out for you, whichever way it goes...
Take care.
It's a dilemma. If I tell her at this late stage, it's like I'm grasping at straws.
She's already arranged somewhere to live, and we were going to tell kids this weekend.
I can't bear to tell them. Don't really want it to happen, even though I know we don't get on.
She can't wait to tell them.
Asperger's could be the cause of most of our problems. (She says I'm rigid, and too particular about things, loose my temper if things aren't done right or change, noise drives me nuts)
I just feel if I tell her, she'll probably still go, but she'll have a reason to blame me for breakup. If that makes sense
It might not change your situation. But just knowing the diagnosis has helped me and my partner of 20+ years put a lot of my past behaviours and decisions/mistakes into context.
It doesn't explain everything, and doesn't excuse anything, but is surely a big part of it.
I feel exactly the same. I've just been diagnosed at 56.
All the feelings you mentioned chime with me.
I'm hoping I'll settle down to be a better person. If I can hold the boat steady long enough
Unfortunately I've got the added problem that my partner of 20 years who I have kids with, is due to leave me in next week or so.
I haven't told her about diagnosis as feel she might use it against me somehow. Blame it all on my condition.
On the other hand think I should tell her, as might be part of our problems.
so sorry you are feeling a bit down ---- I hope this is temporary
feel free to ask me any questions
which behaviour do u struggle with most?
Once upon a time I did some “Personal Effectiveness” training, the first half of the course was about how to grow into the you we discovered in the second part of the course.
I guess I’m saying take it slow