Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone,
since beginning my assessment very recently, I’ve been elated, confused, grief stricken, plus a whole array of other emotions. Now, after seeing my life in the past, through new eyes, I can see how my behaviour has never been Neuro-typical. It’s a wonderful realisation, to know exactly why I’ve spent my whole life struggling with everything, but now I’ve lost all confidence in how to communicate. I feel dumbstruck. I hate upsetting or offending anyone, it’s a trait at the heart of me and now I don’t know how to behave, I’m extremely confused. I can’t help feeling ‘masking’ throughout my life (I’m in my 50s) has made me a fraud, someone I don’t know anymore.
I feel exactly the same. I've just been diagnosed at 56.
All the feelings you mentioned chime with me.
I'm hoping I'll settle down to be a better person. If I can hold the boat steady long enough
Unfortunately I've got the added problem that my partner of 20 years who I have kids with, is due to leave me in next week or so.
I haven't told her about diagnosis as feel she might use it against me somehow. Blame it all on my condition.
On the other hand think I should tell her, as might be part of our problems.
It might not change your situation. But just knowing the diagnosis has helped me and my partner of 20+ years put a lot of my past behaviours and decisions/mistakes into context.
It doesn't explain everything, and doesn't excuse anything, but is surely a big part of it.