Published on 12, July, 2020
I need help.... I need to know that other parents have had significant struggles with their child.and have not been heard by any professional?!
My son is literally triggered by anything. By his sock not feeling right or walking to the toilet with the wrong foot. I have to do EVERYTHING for him, lift him, clothe him, wipe him- he's 5, 6 next month, otherwise he has huge meltdowns that last for hours and hours.
He is regularly late to school as he will refuse to get up or will want to be carried out of bed to the toilet. Every minute detail in his life has to he controlled otherwise he completely freaks.
However, he is perfect in school. When he eventually gets there.... they have said he can sometimes be a bit anxious but other than that, he's brilliant. I can see when I'm waiting for him by the look on his fave, what sort of afternoon I will have with him. He is like a coke bottle being shaken all day and explodes the second he sees me.
Not sure how much longer I can cope with always being screamed at for HOURS, kicked, bitten, punched etc. Family Supoort Service have put me on a restraint course and a parenting course, but in my GUT I know it's not me.
Please help
OH! This sounds so difficult.
Everyone needs somewhere safe they can explode and unfortunately this may be you until he's old enough to express the overload of things which are causing him extreme harm at school, if this is the case. He could masking, pretending, working excessively hard to attempt to get along with his peers, dealing with traumatising sensory issues, not being taught in a way that is useful to how his brain operates.
I would say your being a containment for his emotions is far better than him self-harming, which many children do because they cannot let out a half day of torture with their parents. I have always let my son sort his frustration out with me rather than alone, rather than someone who would reject him and add insult to injury. As a mother we have a unique role. He's now much older and doesn't do this but maybe a few times a year and immediately says sorry, though I tell him he need not be. Can you buy him a punching bag? Or better yet, home school? Even learning to redirect the physical intensity in to sport / workout is helpful as this will be useful in the future.
I'm assuming you've done a great deal of work to help him not feel overloaded at home!! If you haven't done, these are a few tips I find that are sometimes overlooked: Only use unscented cleaning products if you can. Bicarbonate of Soda has serious magical properties and so many uses if you need a carpet freshener. I still use fairy tablets in the dishwasher but leave it closed till they're completely dry. No chemically manufactured air fresheners or candles (which are so toxic). Sometimes I'll make pure beeswax ones with a few drops of essential oil. Clothes: 100% natural fibres (no polyester/nylon). Cotton/linen and pure wool are amazing at responding to our natural biological heat regulation. We can sense when there is plastic on our skin, the skin can't breathe. It feels suffocating. Use incandescents or halogens in his room instead of LEDs (which can cause extreme slow burn anxiety covered up by confusion). They're not illegal and hopefully won't be, I buy them online. Bedsheets: 100% cotton. And a way to find out what subtle noises are in the home that could be oppressive (if you're not on the spectrum yourself), a good way to find out is to record a voice memo on your phone. Walk to different rooms and stay still with it recording for a minute, then play back with the headphones turned all the way up.
The intensity of our sensory experience includes emotional senses. So, it does sound as though he's being taxed - if not traumatised at school. Which might not be the fault of the school, just a neurotypical society he doesn't function well in just yet.
That your allowing him to get all of this out of his system is actually healthy. Humans pay good money for scream therapy or a gym membership. And we need to take frustration out, otherwise we self-harm. But he's getting to an age where he can do physical damage and that isn't good for the one person who will be his advocate or for society. It may be helpful to find someone who's Actually Autistic in your community and can go to the school and perhaps help interpret how difficult it is for an autistic individual to thrive there.
Hi,
I don't have any advice. I am really sorry that life is so difficult for you and your son at the moment.
this sounds a bit intrusive but you could always record one of his outbursts. my mum had to do this with my sister before anyone would realise that there was actually something wrong.
it doesn't sound like you are doing anything wrong. to be honest, you should take it as a compliment, I know it doesn't feel like it but he only acts the way he does with you because he feels safe to let all his frustrations out. or at least that's what it sounds like to me. its good that he feels comfortable at home however maybe someone needs to help him find some other ways to express himself
Alisha xx