Published on 12, July, 2020
Today I was all ready to go out, it was planned, I'd got ready, lots of details accounted for. Then I found out I had to find somewhere new and go in alone, I over thought it. The birthday girl had implied earlier that week that it was fine if I couldn't make it, I over thought that. I sat in my new outfit hating the ankle gap between my shoes and my jeans, I got changed, the gap was still there. I was cold, I'm always always cold and I hate being out and being cold so I changed my jacket the ankle gap was more annoying so I took off the boots and my jacket and sat down.the day ran just little the Little Miss Shy book....except nobody came to collect me. I've masked the problem, nobody will question my plausable absence from today and so my life continues.
If I want to go somewhere, I go. If I don't, I don't. The only times I experience the kind of inner conflict you described is when I'm not listening to myself. No one makes me do anything I don't want to do— except me. I'm the one who pretends he wants to go out, but really doesn't. I'm the one who pretends he wants to stay in, but really doesn't. With age, you begin to learn how to align your outer actions better with what you really want inside, and the kind of conflict you're describing happens less and less often. Stick with it! It gets better.