Life begins at 64

Hello from in Shropshire, England, I'm Nick Squiggler 68 years old, diagnosed about 4 years, finally. For me it was a great relief, and the diagnosis has changed my life. I know who I am and why I am not the person school and my tutors doing my degree in Fine Art wanted me to be. I am better than that, because I am my true self now.

I can't say it was easy, but somehow I managed to scrape through with a degree. I had no diagnosis, so no student support, if I had of had support as Autistic I would have done better, but I passed, and that was a great achievement. Especially as I never read a single of the recommended books. Art literature is impossibly hard to understand, rocket science would have been easier.

When I started I found it very hard to write in anything like an academic way, but in the end I did manage to write a dissertation. Not great, but good enough to pass.

That was about 15 years ago.

I love making art and drawing, painting and sewing are my favourite stims.

My current obsession is the idea that Autistic people are people with Neanderthal traits. My favourite book when I was at school was Stig of the Dump, a caveman living in a town's dump. I have always felt like Stig, an outsider, someone who just doesn't belong in the 'normal' world. I feel that people think I'm a human being, and I try very hard to look like one, but really I'm not, as if I accidentally came here through a time warp. Actually my head is very similar shaped to Captain Jean-Luc Picard's I have a distinct brow ridge and long skull, I always thought I had Neanderthal DNA even when no one thought it was possible. 

Some people liken Autism to being on the wrong planet, I can relate to that too, but far better for me is being an ugly duckling, a changeling, someone who everyone thinks is a human but is actually a faery, alien or Neanderthal. However looking at my family I see the genes, lots of odd shaped heads and creativity and easy for me to get on with. I come from a long line of oddballs, and I'm very happy with that.

  • I was lying in the back of a small truck staring at the stars and suddenly some nebulous shape blacked out some of my vision, I then realised it was a camel's head!

    LOL  Smiley

    Yeah - any desert is amazing for seeing the stars with so little light-pollution.

    It's nice to just look up into infinity.

  • If it's any help from what I can remember he lived on.

  • BJS I won't get upset if you start your life at a different age! You may even have started already!

  • Welcome to the forum, can't wait for the next 5 years to pass before my life really starts Slight smile

  • Now I'm jealous! I haven't been to Sinai, I saw the sky in Saudi, in the desert, it was magnificent I must admit I was lying in the back of a small truck staring at the stars and suddenly some nebulous shape blacked out some of my vision, I then realised it was a camel's head!

    Going down the mountain road from where I used live on the back of the truck I could see stars in front of me, we were so high. It was fabulous.

    I have also been to the Negev in Israel but didn't go out at night, stupidly because clear desert air is wonderful for seeing distant stars.

    I know I'm a confusion of inconsistencies, love the desert air because I can see space, but think it's all an illusion.

  • Oh, and just re-watching STNG right now. Actually started from the beginning and will be going through each of the different series. I've got as far as The Enterprise have just encountered The Borg again and Picard has been kidnapped! The season just ended with "to be continued" ... nooooooo!

  • Welcome, Nick!

    Congrats on the degree! Art and creativity is one of my loves, too, and I'm hoping to reignite it in my current career. It's how I express my passions, process thoughts, etc.

    Loved Stig of the Dump, although I don't remember the story very well now. I remember the front cover of it, though. Also, loved The Ugly Duckling story when I was a child. I related to it so much and felt every emotional about the story. Now I know why.

  • I like the Universe - so many wonders.    I sat on top of Mt Sinai to see the sunrise - but the sky is so clear at night that you can see everything - meteors, satellites, all the stars - there's so much starlight that it casts shadows!   It's odd looking up as you lay on something as solid as a big rock - so much solidity directly facing so much of nothingness.  Smiley

  • My mother had bottle green eyes, like emeralds, they looked really amazing, mine are dull blue now, used to be like sea water on a sunny day.

    Yes I doodle, it is stimming but helps me concentrate when I'm on the phone or at a lecture that kind of thing. 

    The fascination for triangles is interesting, such a strong shape.

    I do think that time is not linear, so that I do see things in my childhood as clearly as cooking bread yesterday. Space and time are not  as we were taught.  Infinity in space and time are frightening concepts, contemplating infinity scares the thinglie whatsit doobries out of me but I think that they are appearances and not real at all. Don't understand what I mean because it's too abstract but I do think that the physical universe is a film set put up to confuse us. 

  • Mine are very bright green (a melanin issue).   

    I love numbers - I draw on paper all the time designing things and planning the next project.    I have a fascination with triangles - I love the way the maths falls out when calculating structures.

    I highly visual - I don't know if you work the same way but I see my entire life simultaneously - like sitting in Professor X's Cerebro - it's all there to see in super-fine detail.

    Are you following Space X and their rocket testing - looks like a great way to get off this planet!  Smiley

  • Nothing wrong in being like Data, especially if you also have yellow eyes. I would love to be a bit more Data like, I just can't deal with numbers and abstract thoughts, they don't fit in my head. Your mind is different from mine, isn't that interesting, I do enjoy difference, if we were all the same  life would be so boring. My dad always used to say ''it takes all sorts to make a world', you could also say it takes all sorts to get off this world.

  • That book sounds interesting, I'll have to find a copy, thanks Martin. I did read a novel about someone who went back to pre human days somehow and I really enjoyed it, but can't remember the name of it, it was a very long time ago.. Egil sounds an interesting character, great name too, I do like mono brows like Frida Kahlo, even more dramatic on a warrior poet murderer of course. I think it may well be a neanderthal trait. I have the opposite though, more like half eyebrows. When you have hybrids though it's quite common for interesting random traits to show up.

  • Have you read William Golding's book 'The Inheritors'? It is about the meeting of a Neanderthal family with modern humans. 

    I have often thought that the description of Egil Skallagrimson from the Icelandic saga of that name was rather Neanderthal. He was large and ugly with a craggy and thick skull, he was bald, his remaining hair was iron-grey, his eyes were black, as was his beard and his eyebrows met in the middle (a trait I have). His grandfather was called Kveldulf (Evening-wolf) and was a 'shape-shifter' (werewolf). Egil was a farmer, trader, raider, soldier, murderer and poet. He once composed a poem to save his head, he was captured by Eric Bloodaxe, who had a grudge against him. His poem was so brilliant that Bloodaxe let him go free.

  • Hi and welcome aboard - unfortunately, I am the data character - the  super-nerd into all tech with eidetic memory.  Smiley

    I'm in my mid 50s - an ex rocket scientist and nuclear physicist.  Smiley

  • JJ, thanks, absurd is always good, humour and art go together well. I always liked Wesley too. Mind you I liked most of the characters, Data was the autistic hero for me though.

  • Thanks aidie, I;m certainly enjoying it here so far.

  • Hi Nick Slight smile

    I like your art - some people talk a lot about art - often not the ones that are doing art...

    I like Dadaism (and Dali and basically anything as absurd/obscure as possible)

    (I'm 41) I'm not sure how far I've moved on from wanting to be Wesley Crusher lol (I even called my dog Wesley... without public explanation!)

    Life does indeed begin at .... today?!?!

  • welcome to this forum  and have fun. It Nice to have someone new arrive Slight smile