Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello community :-) I am an adult who suspects both my parents have autism. For years I have been wondering why our family wasn't working like those around me. As the awareness about autism grew over the past years, I started to notice how much of what I heard was resonating with our situation. Recently, the teenage son of my brother has been diagnosed with Autism.
FIRSTLY: I am looking for support for people like me, who are adult and have been affected in their development because of the autism of their parents. In my case, this has resulted in confusion and in many emotional and psychological difficulties. I am still recovering from the confusion that came from undiagnosed autism in our family. The help that I have found so far isn't specific enough.
SECONDLY: I was hoping to hear if any of this community have experience similar type of situations. Have you also gone through the process of realisation, that one or both of your parents my have autism? If so, what has this meant for you? Has this affected the way how you see yourself? Have you ever talked with your parents about this? I would love to hear from you :-)
Christina
Hi Christina,
Growing up my mother was misdiagnosed with a number of things. Initially, back in the 90s, she was placed on medication for what they called a "nervous breakdown", then later after being heavily medicated she was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. She lived a very abused life in a very poor and uneducated family. That abuse was furthered by my father.
My mother was heavily medicated for most of my childhood and I was under the impression this was what attributed to her lack of general engagement or interest.
I spent the better part of my life from 11 on taking care of her. She did work, she was in the Navy, she married my father and had two children. My brother has what was then called asbergers syndrome but was not diagnosed until he was almost 22 because it was such a new concept.
I actually didn't realize that my mother had autism until last year when my aunt finally told me that my mother had always been this way. It wasn't the abuse or the medication. For some reason no one had to heart to tell me thar she was just this way.
I felt a number of emotions. I mourned the image of my mother I had, I felt immense guilt and confusion for my many and varied attempts at helping her or thinking her irrational and manic or impulsive and tmnot well thought out behavior was due to lack of experience or education. I could never understand why it was so hard for her to keep a job even though she had 2 degrees.
I think sometimes it is easier for us to have a "reason" for our experience, something we can rationalize. Now I just feel a deep sense of sorrow for the lack of understanding or compassion that was shown to my mom and given how she learns its understandable that she simply immulates what has been shown to her.
It's how she has managed to stay alive all these years.
I think we are all on a spectrum, and its hard to say that anyone is or is not on it without a diagnoses, but I do hope that you find comfort and compassion and that you honor any grief you may feel.
It changed my sense of self and the understanding of my life deeply.
Be well