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looking for support for ADULTS with PARENTS WITH AUTISM

Christina Quincy
over 3 years ago

Hello community :-)

I am an adult who suspects both my parents have autism.

For years I have been wondering why our family wasn't working like those around me. As the awareness about autism grew over the past years,   I started to notice how much of what I heard was resonating with our situation. Recently, the teenage son of my brother has been diagnosed with Autism.

FIRSTLY: I am looking for support for people like me, who are adult and have been affected in their development because of the autism of their parents. 
In my case, this has resulted in confusion and in many emotional and psychological difficulties. I am still recovering from the confusion that came from undiagnosed autism in our family. The help that I have found so far isn't specific enough. 

SECONDLY: I was hoping to hear if any of this community have experience similar type of situations.
Have you also gone through the process of realisation, that one or both of your parents my have autism? If so, what has this meant for you? Has this affected the way how you see yourself? Have you ever talked with your parents about this? 

I would love to hear from you :-)

Christina

Parents
  • over 3 years ago

    i suspect my mum has been autistic all along. She just laughed at me when I but didnt say she wasnt. Anyway I cant force her to get a diagnosis. My mum is a major force in our family and my llfe. She grew up on a farm and then raised me and my siblings. In our family everyone worked or raised kids. Did her autism contribute to my mental health, hell yes. For example i didnt attend school as much as other children and she was very particular about who hung around with me to the point of physically attacking them but what is done is done.

    She never let me know I was autistic so i was raised as normal which was quite a good strategy because I wasnt labelled in any way.

    I think she did a great job LOL

    If both your parents are autistic thats sound a very chaotic upbringing..we always my dad to keep us straight at times

    Are you autistic ?

    What diagnoses have u received ?

    What are your main issues eg anxiety depression pstd etc ?

  • over 3 years ago in reply to aidie

    Thank you Aidie for your reply and it is good to read how you experienced your upbringing. 

    I haven't been diagnosed as I don't meet the requirements. It is unlikely I am autistic, but a fair number in my family seem to have a very distinct way which indicates reasons to believe it is present in our family, but so far, only the teenage son of my brother has been diagnosed. It wasn't a surprise to me. 

    In my case it was the way how my parents related to me that was entirely different than what I noticed with other children.

    There was no dialogue between us. I always needed to fit into a frame that didn't seem to work for me.

    There was no space for compassion or warmth or empathy as was the case in most families of my friends.

    I felt like a 'puppet' that had to behave exactly how they wanted. If not, it could get them extremely upset to the point of anger outbursts. So I never felt as if I had been parented, but I felt as if I had been 'directed' or controlled during my upbringing. 

    My mother also had very clear ideas about who I was that didn't fit with the reality, which meant I got quite confused with my identity, and my worth etc... 

    These are but a few examples. It is quite hard to list these things as I am aware that they did the best they could in their situation, and never meant to harm me or my siblings.

    However, it has disrupted my development. So far I haven't found support that know about these sensitivities, about adults who have been raised by parents with autism.  

Reply
  • over 3 years ago in reply to aidie

    Thank you Aidie for your reply and it is good to read how you experienced your upbringing. 

    I haven't been diagnosed as I don't meet the requirements. It is unlikely I am autistic, but a fair number in my family seem to have a very distinct way which indicates reasons to believe it is present in our family, but so far, only the teenage son of my brother has been diagnosed. It wasn't a surprise to me. 

    In my case it was the way how my parents related to me that was entirely different than what I noticed with other children.

    There was no dialogue between us. I always needed to fit into a frame that didn't seem to work for me.

    There was no space for compassion or warmth or empathy as was the case in most families of my friends.

    I felt like a 'puppet' that had to behave exactly how they wanted. If not, it could get them extremely upset to the point of anger outbursts. So I never felt as if I had been parented, but I felt as if I had been 'directed' or controlled during my upbringing. 

    My mother also had very clear ideas about who I was that didn't fit with the reality, which meant I got quite confused with my identity, and my worth etc... 

    These are but a few examples. It is quite hard to list these things as I am aware that they did the best they could in their situation, and never meant to harm me or my siblings.

    However, it has disrupted my development. So far I haven't found support that know about these sensitivities, about adults who have been raised by parents with autism.  

Children