Acceptance, strategies, understanding, patience, Hope

Hey guys, my first exploration here. My story... where to start?!

This last year has been a rollercoaster.. Im blessed to have had 2 boys and a girl - G 18, Y 16 and N 9, a lovely doggy and a husband who has just left us. It might temporary or it might not.

since G left school to go to college at 16 his life started going down hill. He’s always been ‘my challenge’ was diagnosed with ADHD, ODD and dyslexia age 10, but no help, support or advice was given.

my husband didn’t really believe any of it, just hasn’t wanted to know.

as a result they have a very tumultuous, competitive, clashing relationship that has gotten aggressive and spiralled out of control over the years. 
after the first lockdown G was acting very weirdly - it turned out to be psychosis. 
he had to be sectioned and spent a couple of months in a specialist unit. As soon as the section was lifted he refused to take any meds. This was around a year ago. He has an intervention worker and a case coordinator that are convinced G has ASD and 100% not psychosis.

my problem is G will not engage with any of the people who want to help him. He refuses all tests and assessments all therapy and even has a meltdown if I bring any of it up at all. 

My husband left because they are such triggers for each other the tension and stress got too much.

things at home are lighter and calmer and G is slowly getting back to work (lifeguard) which he loves. I’m hoping routine and a calm home will help him to progress and mature to see that help will be advantageous for him.

His behaviour can be pretty wild and ott. The concerns are socialising with people who are bad influences (although he probably is to others). He is very generous, so being taken advantage of.

alcohol and recreational drugs are a big worry :( 

It feels to me like when there are a lot of triggers he can go in to a sort of psychosis. Something happened recently where he went away to work for a few days and it was totally disastrous! 

he’s very influenced by you tubers, can get obsessed with video games, friends, he torments and verbally attacks his siblings.

it’s so difficult to explain, his behaviour has always been a bit over the top, a bit different, a very complex and difficult, confusing and frustrating person to understand.

I feel like the only one who has enough patience to stick with him - I find it all fascinating and feel the more I understand the better I can help him.... problem is he says doesn’t want or need help... 

He never remembers passwords, pins, brakes and looses things constantly 

If you’ve got to this point I guess your beginning to get the picture - I can’t let him down, I want the best for him and my other two, it is so difficult, but we are getting there abs in determined

 what I’d like is some tips to explaining some coping mechanisms/ strategies to his brother sister so they have more patience and are kinder and more forgiving to him instead of hiding from him or retaliating  ... because he annoys so much!

circles and cycles 

I want to get the best out of all of them.

It feels like we’re in a constant crisis with a new drama each week.

where do I go from here?