Is it Autism and/or Mental Health?

Hi there.

Life. Don't talk to me about life. 

(I quote Marvin, the paranoid android from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe, by Douglas Adams) sorry. It's probably not really appropriate. But if it brings a little levity, then yay. 

I'm 46, been struggling with anxiety and depression for 20 years. Been told "acute reactive depression", low self esteem, negative belief systems, and thinking patterns that can be resolved with a bit of cbt or person centred counselling.

Then I tried suicide a couple of times. The home treatment team visited a few times and referred me back to the same services I'd seen before.

I found a local women's centre and went for some gestalt therapy thinking if it penetrated further, I'd see better results. But let's remember how well we wear our masks. As soon as I had regained my energy levels and felt a bit more in control, I could convince everyone (even myself) that I was OK. So then I'm off again.

And then it goes wrong. Or I burn out. 

Nb. I've a really supportive partner who just wants me to be happy and do what I want to do and share my journey with him. That wasn't working out so well. I need guidelines. Some direction. An indication of what's expected of me. He doesn't want to impose anything on me.

If I were neurotypical it might've been perfect

Anyway, I go through a couple more suicide attempts (different method each time). Some more home treatment team crisis visits. Then I get onto this Schema therapy thing, which I do on video call (Covid y'know). It's like the next level up from cbt. And time passes. I like the therapist. She makes me feel safe and confident. I think "blimey, this might've done the job" and then it ends and I'm lost. Again.

Then I see a video of Dr. Tony Attwood delivering a talk on Aspergers in Women/Girls https://youtu.be/wfOHnt4PMFo and I share the link with my partner and he comes to me 1 minute later saying he'd seen it weeks ago but didn't know how to broach it with me! 

I've been thinking about asking to be assessed for ASD for the last 10 years, but never had anyone show support when I threw out a tentative e enquiry. So I didn't. I wish I had trusted myself. 

For me, I'm convinced my mental health issues have been a symptom of being aspie. 

My partner and I are trying different communication techniques based on aspie research, and they seem to be helping (it's early days). 

We don't have kids, so I'm afraid I can't say anything about parenting but, for everything else, based on what I've learned over the last 20 years, is that you really do know yourself. Even when you're telling yourself a little fib - or a massive lie. You know your truth. (whether you admit to it is another thing entirely) 

So have faith in yourself, trust yourself, ask for what you want, be grateful when you get what you need. 

Sorry this was so long. I'm happy to chat if you want. Promise I'll try to be less blathery now I've told you all this background stuff

Txx

Hi there.

Life. Don't talk to me about life. 

(I quote Marvin, the paranoid android from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe, by Douglas Adams) sorry. It's probably not really appropriate. But if it brings a little levity, then yay. 

I'm 46, been struggling with anxiety and depression for 20 years. Been told "acute reactive depression", low self esteem, negative belief systems, and thinking patterns that can be resolved with a bit of cbt or person centred counselling.

Then I tried suicide a couple of times. The home treatment team visited a few times and referred me back to the same services I'd seen before.

I found a local women's centre and went for some gestalt therapy thinking if it penetrated further, I'd see better results. But let's remember how well we wear our masks. As soon as I had regained my energy levels and felt a bit more in control, I could convince everyone (even myself) that I was OK. So then I'm off again.

And then it goes wrong. Or I burn out. 

Nb. I've a really supportive partner who just wants me to be happy and do what I want to do and share my journey with him. That wasn't working out so well. I need guidelines. Some direction. An indication of what's expected of me. He doesn't want to impose anything on me.

If I were neurotypical it might've been perfect

Anyway, I go through a couple more suicide attempts (different method each time). Some more home treatment team crisis visits. Then I get onto this Schema therapy thing, which I do on video call (Covid y'know). It's like the next level up from cbt. And time passes. I like the therapist. She makes me feel safe and confident. I think "blimey, this might've done the job" and then it ends and I'm lost. Again.

Then I see a video of Dr. Tony Attwood delivering a talk on Aspergers in Women/Girls https://youtu.be/wfOHnt4PMFo and I share the link with my partner and he comes to me 1 minute later saying he'd seen it weeks ago but didn't know how to broach it with me! 

I've been thinking about asking to be assessed for ASD for the last 10 years, but never had anyone show support when I threw out a tentative e enquiry. So I didn't. I wish I had trusted myself. 

For me, I'm convinced my mental health issues have been a symptom of being aspie. 

My partner and I are trying different communication techniques based on aspie research, and they seem to be helping (it's early days). 

We don't have kids, so I'm afraid I can't say anything about parenting but, for everything else, based on what I've learned over the last 20 years, is that you really do know yourself. Even when you're telling yourself a little fib - or a massive lie. You know your truth. (whether you admit to it is another thing entirely) 

So have faith in yourself, trust yourself, ask for what you want, be grateful when you get what you need. 

Sorry this was so long. I'm happy to chat if you want. Promise I'll try to be less blathery now I've told you all this background stuff

Txx