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Separation

JT
over 3 years ago

Looking back on life I realise that everytime I struggle with a friendship, instead of resolving issues that will take potentially repeated awkward conversations and manoeuvres, I just avoid them and move on.

Does this ring any bells for anyone else? Or is that just specific to me?

One friend in particular turned out to be quite narcissistic, but I hadn't realised for the 2/3 years we were friends. When I realised I moved on quickly, but he continues to chase contact with me not understanding why I vanished. No matter what I do I can't bring myself to confront the situation. That was 10 years ago and still vexes me constantly cycling through my mind.

My partner thinks I just need to deal with it but I can't

Parents
  • over 3 years ago

    Thanks for your response O. It's not easy ey.

    I also have always found it much easier to be friends with women, there's an innate lack of empathy and care amongst guys, nothing nasty (although I've had that as well) but I think often it's about winning in social situations. If they can make themselves come out on top, whether it's in competition, or telling jokes, or one upping your stories, it's a very common pattern I noticed in my childhood and has often driven a stake between any friendships - including those with my older brother and my Dad. We hardly speak and all struggle to do so.

    I am very lucky to have a partner who is very good to me, and she is hyper sociable, so I can feel like I have a good social life just by hearing about or being around hers.

    I'd just like to resolve these situations myself without needing to seek support for such simple things. 

    I hope you can find some contentment in your own interests. I'm an artist, and so all the other artists I know or meet share similar issues even if they aren't on the spectrum. It's a place where being different is valued, so maybe music or art could be a source of solace for you as well?

Reply
  • over 3 years ago

    Thanks for your response O. It's not easy ey.

    I also have always found it much easier to be friends with women, there's an innate lack of empathy and care amongst guys, nothing nasty (although I've had that as well) but I think often it's about winning in social situations. If they can make themselves come out on top, whether it's in competition, or telling jokes, or one upping your stories, it's a very common pattern I noticed in my childhood and has often driven a stake between any friendships - including those with my older brother and my Dad. We hardly speak and all struggle to do so.

    I am very lucky to have a partner who is very good to me, and she is hyper sociable, so I can feel like I have a good social life just by hearing about or being around hers.

    I'd just like to resolve these situations myself without needing to seek support for such simple things. 

    I hope you can find some contentment in your own interests. I'm an artist, and so all the other artists I know or meet share similar issues even if they aren't on the spectrum. It's a place where being different is valued, so maybe music or art could be a source of solace for you as well?

Children
  • over 3 years ago in reply to JT

    I think blokes with ASD find it easier to stay friends - I just fire a simple e-mail every now and then - how's it going?     Anything nice happened?     And I just give a bit of an update about what's happened for us - and as it's usually based around 'things' - there's no feelings or emotions involved - car broke or  built something.

    The reply normally adds a bit more details and questions so the conversation grows.      We might not speak for a week or month - but we pick up again like there's been no gaps.