Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi guys!!
My son is 6 years old (P1 in scotland).
So the problem we have is he so intelligent that his school is running out of any challenging material.
His intellect spans across the board it isn't a select specialist subject ..his capacity for learning is phenomenal.
He does struggle socially and although he is beginning to enjoy playing with other children, he hasnt the first clue on how to initiate the play as such. He will just stand close by and watch and as a parent this breaks my heart because he wants to be involved. I have spoken several times with the school about perhaps focusing on his social skills but they seem happy to just "manage" him. Rather than encouraging him to excell!
He is now becoming very frustrated, constant meltdown but they dont occur at school it's the minute I pick him up he's just so drained that I think it all just comes flooding out. His communication and behaviours have reverted massively. He seem to be going backwards in terms of coping strategies....every single thing is a fight...his need for control at home is becoming unbearable....from what I wear, to what everyone at home does ( dad, baby sister and myself). Even if he is occupied and totally engrossed in an activity...if he hears his dad or I watching a program he will come down and demand to pick the episode even though the minute he does he will leave the room and go back to his activity. The same if he walks I and I'm changing his sisters bottom, he will have a melt down because he hasn't gone to get the wipes or nappy (I include him when ever I can). All of these behaviours get worse after school. I have tried to have multiple conversations with him about school but he point blank refuses to engage.
I suppose my main question is ...is there anything I can do to make the school get their finger out and provide better support and materials? any advice would be greatly appreciated because right now I feel completely useless.
Thanks
I have discussed the subject of children who are too high academic ability for their year group at school more times than I can keep count of…
A teacher (who also works as a private tutor and homeschooled his children) told me that state schools are a 'bus' type system. All children must learn the subject material at the time when it is delivered to them in accordance with the curriculum. Teachers can provide extra work of the same ability for children who have completed their assigned work, but are limited when it comes to more academically advanced work. After all, a primary school does not have the books and educational resources to teach subjects to secondary school level!
He also stated that most teachers don't like it when children jump ahead of the curriculum (in any subject) for their year group. Such children are a headache for teachers and they often end up exhibiting behavioural problems and general laziness because they find the work assigned for their year group unstimulating and unchallenging. This inevitably leads to a poor relationship with their classmates, or even results in them becoming targets for bullies.
He is also of the opinion that jumping ahead of the curriculum – either by parents teaching their children, the use of private tutors, or children learning material themselves from reading books and watching videos – is actually a dumb thing to do because their school is going to teach that material in the future anyway. Why learn Y8 material in Y5? Why not just wait until your child is in Y8? His advice for parents of high academic ability children who have jumped ahead of the curriculum is to deliberately slow down their learning and encourage them to play sports, watch films, engage in social activities, go to theme parks, rather than studying. These parents of high academic ability children should also spare a thought for the thousands of less fortunate children across the country in the same year group who are academically behind the curriculum, and the challenges teachers face when it comes to improving their attainment, rather than 'selfishly' thinking only about their own 'clever' kid.
Schools don't teach social skills and life skills. The purpose of school is to teach academic subjects (like English, maths, science, history etc.) and the purpose of a teacher is to deliver the curriculum. It is the responsibility of parents to teach their children social skills at home in exactly the same way it is the responsibility of parents to teach their children to tie shoelaces; eat with cutlery; ride a bike; use the washing machine without ruining the clothes inside it; set the burglar alarm; or feed the pet ferret. It is a myth, or even an outright lie, that children need to go to school to learn social skills or conversely that children who don't go to school won't learn social skills. This is because social skills are learned at home and taught by parents, not learned at school and taught by teachers. Now it's clear as day why the teachers at your son's school are only happy to 'manage' him rather than encouraging him to excel in social skills. It's simply not their responsibility, but your responsibility. Teachers who have to spend time teaching social skills and life skills to children see themselves as having to pick up the pieces of failed parenting. It doesn't matter whether it's having to teach about unwritten rules and non-verbal communication to a kid with Asperger Syndrome or tying a shoelace. It's outside of their job description. Remember that teachers have Ofsted breathing down their neck, and even teaching unions can act as 'bullies' preventing teachers from helping the children that they teach in matters outside of the curriculum because they aren't being paid for it.
I'm well aware that these words are not very comforting to the OP, or may even come across as condescending, but they are the bitter truth from an inside source. A teacher who has the courage to speak the truth.
He also adds that state schools are designed for the 95%. If a state school fails to provide for the remaining 5% of children after their parents have made a reasonable number of requests for services, then such parents should not stress out and waste their lives trying to fight the system, but instead find (but not fight for) an alternative educational venue, even if happens to be YouTube.
I know exactly how your son feels. I was learning about quadratic equations and trigonometry at home in Y5 when the rest of the class was trying to get their head around converting fractions to decimals and vice versa.
The reality of state schools is that when it comes to sports or music then the sky is the limit for children, but there is no advantage in excelling in any other subject above what is expected for their year group. A highly talented sportsman or musician is a superhero. A highly talented mathematician with AS who can do Y10 work at the age of 10 is a problem child.
I think your friend sounds like an idiot ... I'd suffix that with 'no disrespect' but I realise that would be almost tautological.
I do agree that schools purpose is to educate, not socialise, kids and certainly not to babysit them. I'm not convinced that home life provides sufficient social stimulation and exposure for kids though. Children need to interact with others outside of the family with out their parents close supervision. However for autistic children I'm not convinced they get that at school anyway or least not to the needed degree. We really need to separate socialisation and education and accept that for autistic kids, while they are both important, they may need to be delivered by very different pathways / systems.