Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello Everyone, I’m Charlotte and I need a little bit of advice. I’m in a happy relationship with my boyfriend of 4 years and have suspected for a while now that he is Autistic. I’ve mentioned it to him very casually before and we’ve had a relaxed and hypothetical conversation about it, but nothing solid. Recently i’ve seen an escalation/worsening of his anxiety levels which i’m trying my best to support him through, but am finding it tough as a lot of what he is finding hard, I think is linked to his Autism. I’ve been tempted a number of times to explain to him that he finds certain things more challenging because that’s just how his brain is wired and that’s ok! (i’m dyspraxic so also have this challenge!) My question is, is this helpful? I don’t want to sit him down and have a proper conversation about why I think he is Autistic if it ultimately won’t help him. Interestingly, I received a late diagnosis for dyspraxia and when I did it was like a light had been turned on and everything clicked into place, I can now make reasonable adjustments to accommodate and knowing the reason why I can’t do certain things gives me a certain level of comfort. Does having an Autism diagnosis / awareness of potentially being autistic help in the same way, or would this cause him more anxiety? All I want to do is support my boyfriend in the best way I can but just because knowing helps me won’t necessarily help him! Any help or advice at all would be hugely appreciated. Thank you
It's a tough topic to get into, it's one thing having a casual conversation about it in almost jokingly way, my friend in college who has an autistic brother would often say I'm just like her brother own the way we are. But if you want to take it further you CANNOT force your opinion on him.
It's a very personal thing to come to the realisation you're autistic and it makes you think a lot your life especially if you had a lot difficulty growing up in school and so one, I found out through my own research as I was feeling anxious and just generally struggling with a lot of things I can't get into because this will becoming the length of a 500 page book but I came across a video of 5 autism traits in adults (which I'm assuming you are) and it went on from there for around 2 months I became obsessed I spent all day and night researching as I wanted to be sure but all I found was more and relatable things being said.
I think a good think to do would be for you to have a conversation with him about what he is thinking and feeling, I say what he is "thinking" because asking autistic people how they "feel" can be confusing I know it is for me I get confused by my emotions all the time. Maybe encourage him to look into causes of anxiety and so on. Again it's all very subjective I don't know his level of knowledge when it comes to autism I didn't know a thing before I was researching and diagnosed he may well know a lot and you might be able to say to him "look why you don't you look into autism with adults"
Not sure if this helps hope it does I'm not the best at explaining my self sometimes, if you have questions about anything more specific just reply.
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