Masking - Open

As I am coming to the end of day as I do in the morning, I thought perhaps that the following paper on social camouflaging and personal masking might prove useful:

Camouflaging of autistic characteristics in social situations is hypothesised as a common social coping strategy for adults with autism spectrum conditions (ASC). Camouflaging may impact diagnosis, quality of life, and long-term outcomes, but little is known about it. This qualitative study examined camouflaging experiences in 92 adults with ASC, with questions focusing on the nature, motivations, and consequences of camouflaging. Thematic analysis was used to identify key elements of camouflaging, which informed development of a three-stage model of the camouflaging process. First, motivations for camouflaging included fitting in and increasing connections with others. Second, camouflaging itself comprised a combination of masking and compensation techniques. Third, short- and long-term consequences of camouflaging included exhaustion, challenging stereotypes, and threats to self-perception.

"Putting on My Best Normal": Social Camouflaging in Adults with Autistic Spectrums Conditions

Oh, OK. I'll save this article. Very interesting, especially on how women's diagnoses can be missed.

I can see bits of me in the "exceeding nature part".  For instance, I have had to teach myself to ask more 'you' questions, but also not to be too blunt about it.  I used to just assume that people would volunteer stuff like "I'm not OK" if in distress or 'I have this very interesting hobby', if they do.  It's been a long road to learn, that people don't necessarily tell you stuff you need or want to know unless you ask. And if I'm not picking up on other cues....I could be ignoring their need or sticking my foot in something sensitive for them.

The amount of times I've had conversations along the lines of:

"Don't you see that x feels y?"

"Aww, really?  Well, they never said."

And also, that people don't necessarily want the whole truth, or even the truth, when they ask you a question.  That 'How are you?' is just part of a social script is a head scratcher to me.  Ask me, I assume you really want to know.  If I ask you, I definitely do want to know, even if the answer is a bit heart breaking.

And questions like: 'How was your journey?" at the start of job interviews have always puzzled me.  What's my journey got to do with the job?  I never know what to say, because I can't quite fathom why they are asking.

Oh, OK. I'll save this article. Very interesting, especially on how women's diagnoses can be missed.

I can see bits of me in the "exceeding nature part".  For instance, I have had to teach myself to ask more 'you' questions, but also not to be too blunt about it.  I used to just assume that people would volunteer stuff like "I'm not OK" if in distress or 'I have this very interesting hobby', if they do.  It's been a long road to learn, that people don't necessarily tell you stuff you need or want to know unless you ask. And if I'm not picking up on other cues....I could be ignoring their need or sticking my foot in something sensitive for them.

The amount of times I've had conversations along the lines of:

"Don't you see that x feels y?"

"Aww, really?  Well, they never said."

And also, that people don't necessarily want the whole truth, or even the truth, when they ask you a question.  That 'How are you?' is just part of a social script is a head scratcher to me.  Ask me, I assume you really want to know.  If I ask you, I definitely do want to know, even if the answer is a bit heart breaking.

And questions like: 'How was your journey?" at the start of job interviews have always puzzled me.  What's my journey got to do with the job?  I never know what to say, because I can't quite fathom why they are asking.

Exactly!  I want a genuine answer, otherwise what would be the point of asking in the first place.

Dawn said:

Oh, OK. I'll save this article. Very interesting, especially on how women's diagnoses can be missed.

Well it is not that women's and also too men's diagnoses as such get missed ~ but that their efficiently habituated ability to social camouflage and personally mask means that their autistic traits remain concealed, with one psychologist that a friend saw for her second diagnostic assessment using the work around of instructing her to, "Drop the mask ~ as you wont be needing it here!" Which she found quite staggering as she did so for the first time since in years, and got finally diagnosed.

Some can though spot an autistic person masking on the basis that they have 'not' been to an autistic assessment before, so end up being slow to script or fail to use it appropriately ~ but most diagnostic assessors seem to miss these subtle nuances of behaviour, so the second assessment can end up with autistic traits being even further masked because the person knows how things are done. 

One case for instance regarding the ability to camouflage and mask in a way that I found remarkably astonishing, was a young autistic lady who was a legal secretary for the owner of a rather successful legal firm, and when her wealthy parents died ~ her routine of leaving her town house and going back to the family home for the weekend ended, with the family home having been sold to cover debts. 

Within a couple of weeks one of her colleagues had the emergency services break down the young lady's town house door, to find she had just stopped getting out of bed and was very close to death, with the bed somewhat soiled.

The young lady understood English well enough to write it down and seemingly respond appropriately ~ up to point, but she had no comprehension of what any of it actually meant, and her colleague ended up adopting her and helping her with speech and social therapy, with the legal firm keeping her on as an employee and being very supportive due all that had transpired.

Dawn said:

I can see bits of me in the "exceeding nature part".  For instance, I have had to teach myself to ask more 'you' questions, but also not to be too blunt about it.  I used to just assume that people would volunteer stuff like "I'm not OK" if in distress or 'I have this very interesting hobby', if they do.  It's been a long road to learn, that people don't necessarily tell you stuff you need or want to know unless you ask. And if I'm not picking up on other cues....I could be ignoring their need or sticking my foot in something sensitive for them.

The amount of times I've had conversations along the lines of:

"Don't you see that x feels y?"

"Aww, really?  Well, they never said."

Dawn said:

And also, that people don't necessarily want the whole truth, or even the truth, when they ask you a question. 

Keep in mind that like a theatrical play that is auditioned for at least usually involving infant, primary and  secondary school ~ it is as such an ideological fusion of fact involving who they were as a child and the fiction of what their parents and society otherwise wanted or made it possible for them to be ~ to greater or lesser extents.

Give them though the whole truth ~ and it will clash or pound against the integrity of their socially fostered and personally adopted "version" of reality, whereas if you give them selective increments of truth ~ it can help their 'whirled' blend more seamlessly with the real 'world', remembering that for many "Life is but a dream!" (or in other words a plan of action).

Dawn said:

That 'How are you?' is just part of a social script is a head scratcher to me. 

With the life is but a dream thing again ~ "How are you?" is a semi-question that should only be used initially as a slice of truth such as O.K. (Zero Dead ~ I and everyone I know are fine), being that some people do not have the emotional strength or time to cope with in some cases enthusiasm, or depression ~ most particular if you have not met them before. The more familiar you become or are with people ~ remember always that some people will only feel comfortable with so many slices of truth, like for instance if truth were sugar some use artificial or alternative sweeteners, or some will not have sugar in tea but two or more in coffee, sort of thing.

Perhaps if you appreciate word play at all:

People's truth quota like the value of shocks and stares can go up as well as down in flames. Being a light in peoples darkness can be seriously uncool! ;-)

Dawn said:

Ask me, I assume you really want to know.  If I ask you, I definitely do want to know, even if the answer is a bit heart breaking.

Rhetorical questions are my main downfall ~ especially if the question is supposed to create a sense of universal mystery where people think it involves a really thick mist rather than an introduction to greater considerations.

Dawn said:

And questions like: 'How was your journey?" at the start of job interviews have always puzzled me.  What's my journey got to do with the job?  I never know what to say, because I can't quite fathom why they are asking.

Well, that can be to see how you cope with travelling ~ such as someone who sets off early, goes to the gym, navigated an accident and a breakdowns and is as calm and well presented as could possibly be ~ they would  get the call back if it is between them and the nervous wreck interviewee who got stuck at the breakdown, and all that.

Coming in by plain, bike, car, train or on foot can be important indicators about how well suited the candidate is, such as one travelling from Scotland to Brighten by train, spending the night or the weekend in a hotel, doing a bit of site-seeing, and scoping out the company or business and their competitors and footfall and retail service standards ~ saying how good everything was, or suggesting improvements.

Such things can really lose one or get one the job.

Lol. With you. Ask me for an honest opinion and I'll give you one. If I ask, I WANT one. My ego does not need pandering to, it's a genuine question.

I hate when people ask " can I get your honest opinion?" Took me ages to realise that it means they want you to say something nice, even if you have to lie to do so. I upset a lot of people before I realised that.