Masking - Open

I used to be quite a heavy masker until I burned out... it led to low self-esteem and identity confusion. I wish we didn't have to do it. Although I do it automatically out of fear.

I find it hard I've had self identity issues for as long as I can remember I never knew why until I was diagnosed 3 weeks ago and it all makes sense but it's strange I can't always help it I don't know about anyone else but for me it's turned into an automatic defence mechanism I get burnt out all the time. I went and got my haircut today for the first time six months I didn't realise until I got home how much I masked whilst I was out and I've been barley been able to speak and stay awake I'm so burnt out. 

Yeah it burns me out as well. When I'm around people I don't know well, I tend to go into charming/people-pleasing mode as a defence mechanism, and say things I don't even mean, just out of fear of bullying lol

My aunt-in-law was a senior nurse forty years ago. She is Pollyanna. But I need to play it cool.

Thank you!

That sounds awesome, good luck with your coding career!

Yes exactly! I had an argument with my grandparents about work and money they are old school I think, they just say you need to do what ever you can where you can get the most money. For me I just don't care about money I understand perfectly the utility of money and the benefit and help it provides but I would rather do something I enjoy for the rest of my and enough money to pay for my life than have 100s of thousands or millions and do something I hate.

Luckily I think I'm going to start a coding course and try and get a career in that I managed to get myself a weeks worth of free lessons and I got 100% which is a first I haven't got a 100% on anything and I enjoyed it so, win win I guess.

I think a lot of NTs' perceived stereotype is Rainman. If I had a penny for every time I hear "but you don't look autistic!" or "you can't be autistic because you're creative and you're bad at maths/computers" I'd be a millionaire by now.

My mum is a narcissist who wanted me to be a performative superstar, and punished me for any perceived slight/getting a B in a test etc. I don't talk to her for that reason. My parents basically think I'm a failure because I am not bothered about money/status and I don't have a high-flying career. 

And you will meet someone eventually! I only have one autistic friend, whom I see rarely as she likes to keep to herself.

I think a lot of NTs' perceived stereotype is Rainman. If I had a penny for every time I hear "but you don't look autistic!" or "you can't be autistic because you're creative and you're bad at maths/computers" I'd be a millionaire by now.

My mum is a narcissist who wanted me to be a performative superstar, and punished me for any perceived slight/getting a B in a test etc. I don't talk to her for that reason. My parents basically think I'm a failure because I am not bothered about money/status and I don't have a high-flying career. 

And you will meet someone eventually! I only have one autistic friend, whom I see rarely as she likes to keep to herself.

My aunt-in-law was a senior nurse forty years ago. She is Pollyanna. But I need to play it cool.

Thank you!

That sounds awesome, good luck with your coding career!

Yes exactly! I had an argument with my grandparents about work and money they are old school I think, they just say you need to do what ever you can where you can get the most money. For me I just don't care about money I understand perfectly the utility of money and the benefit and help it provides but I would rather do something I enjoy for the rest of my and enough money to pay for my life than have 100s of thousands or millions and do something I hate.

Luckily I think I'm going to start a coding course and try and get a career in that I managed to get myself a weeks worth of free lessons and I got 100% which is a first I haven't got a 100% on anything and I enjoyed it so, win win I guess.