Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
I was diagnosed in December at the age of 41 and fluctuate between feeling "really autistic" and feeling like I'm faking it. I don't know any other autistic people (as far as I know). I told one friend who doesn't believe my diagnosis and whose lack of support has been a bit of a blow and my partner and family. Her brother made jokes at the weekend about looking at a holiday cottage which had a play room for me. He hadn't been looking at cottages at all and I have been left feeling a bit foolish for not realising the extent of his banter until the next day and for allowing him to kind of bully me. My fault as I do make 'jokes' as a bit of a foil and have now blurred the lines over what is appropriate and what is hurtful.
How have you dealt with telling people? How do you manage with the feelings of faking it? I think some of these forum posts have been really helpful. I'm conscious that I have mainly posted asking for advice/moaning about stuff and will try to be more cheerful in my next post!
Have a good day!
These people have probably known you for a long time as you just being yourself, and then one day you tell them you have autism, and they don't know what autism is, so they probably doubt it and they don't trust it, because they don't know much about it.
You want to tell them about autism to have it verified so you don't feel fake, but they're not supporting you and doubting your diagnosis, which makes you doubt yourself. It's strange because I thought receiving a diagnosis would always give people certainty, and having that certainty would put their mind at ease, but maybe that's not always the case.
Her brother was very condescending towards you, and he was putting you down and making fun of you at your expense. It's hard to say if this kind of banter should be a normal thing for you, but if you end up hurt afterwards, then I don't think it's a good thing for you to continue, because it'll negatively impact your mental health and wellbeing.
Some options would be to talk to your partner about what her brother has said and discuss it with her, and hopefully she'll support you on the matter, and then she'll be more aware of her brother's stupid remarks the next time around.
I'm quite oblivious to things until after they happen too, and I try to keep the peace whenever possible, but even if you're not angry, sometimes just looking like you are and saying things loudly will get the other person to back off. It's weird that people won't take you seriously and they'll step on you, until you get angry at them, and then they'll know what not to do around you next time. I find it really strange, but that's what you have to do to with certain types of people.
What a great post! Thank you so much.
Self doubt is a difficult thing to deal with and quite new for me too which I suppose makes me lucky. I'm grateful for all the positives that being me brings. I just have a label for it now.
You're right about having to assert yourself with certain people. There is a tendency amongst NT people to think they know how to behave and so it is a big shock to them when they're told their behaviour is offensive.
Hope all is good with you!