Just another "Am I autistic" Thread

I hope I'm not wasting anyone's time, as it would be quite an understatement to suggest this is a common thread topic here.

I keep stumbling across descriptions of autistic experiences and having "what do you mean that isn't normal" moments. People also treat me like some kind of inhuman monster at every turn, so something is clearly off even if it's not an actual, verifiable status like autism. I'd like to think it might help to eliminate the possibility, so if at all possible, please bear with me.

I think the salient points can thusly be summarized:

• Although I recognize how pretentious I sound to most people this is my natural tone. Everything else is simply a mask I have practiced and adopted to as not to be upsetting to people. I have recognized the absolute need to restructure and simplify both my diction and syntax since no later than the 2nd grade in order to effectively communicate and be understood without the immediate appearance of false intellect. I readily and wholeheartedly acknowledge that my intellect is no greater than average nor hold any delusions of intellectual grandeur, but simply speaking with precise vocabulary is - so far as I can see - an unforgivable sin and immediately alienates, well, everyone.
• Per the aforementioned "that isn't normal?" moment, apparently it's a significant indicator when people struggle to answer "how are you?" In fairness, through rote repetition (I greet and converse with hundreds of people per day for work) I have desensitized myself to the issue and can now simply adopt a position that status quo is "greater than significantly bad circumstances" and therefore "great" or some other affirmative, but for decades I would side-step the question with a positive-sounding observation (today is a beautiful day outside!) or other obfuscation.
• I have taken the Autism Quotient test and scored a 29, though it's a self reported test and those are notoriously difficult for me to parse. It's... glaringly obvious what the implication of each question is where such questions aren't completely indecipherable ("Would you prefer to go to a Museum or a Theater?" - what kind of performance, an opera, play, or movie? What kind of museum? With whom? For what purpose??), and that makes it virtually impossible to answer in a both an accurate and unbiased fashion. "Well, I suspect I do not have Autism but I may 'want' to have the excuse for my own apparent personal failings" therefore any answer that clearly suggests I might have autism becomes suspect. I'm unaware if the test or the subsequent interpretation of results is designed in a manner to compensate for this - I find a great deal of self-assessment based tests simply don't.
• I have a sense of obligation that seems outlandishly disproportionate to the people around me. People reacted with shock and disbelief when I came to work with an abscessed tooth, or came to work while feverishly hallucinating (it wasn't any communicable illness like the flu). It's work, and while I am certainly no saint when it comes to total task completion, I do try to maintain at least a reasonable performance level commiserate with compensation levels and skipping work because of a bad headache is rarely a justifiable act. Likewise, I do believe one has an obligation to fulfill promises or assurances - I still remember debts I owe to people from decades ago, and intend to fulfill them if I encounter those people again. Most people I'm aware of - and perhaps this speaks more to the character of the people whom I attract - could care less about remaining consistent or honoring agreed upon obligations.
• I have a group counting issue that speaks to the penchant for self exclusion: If for instance I were to go an a random excursion with five friends and needed to buy tickets for the group, I'd buy five tickets until someone corrected my count and said I needed six. I almost never counted myself in any group. I spent most of my gradeschool years looking at groups of peers and analyzing them but never actually considering myself a peer to them. I've had numerous friends and, assuming I mask well, have no issue making new ones unless or until the mask slips, but among any circle of friends I always feel like and consider myself a "tolerated outsider." That outsider status is almost always confirmed given enough time, so "feel like" might be an inaccurate assessment.
• On empathy, I have cried for failing to give food to a homeless person before. The guilt I feel passing a homeless person and either not having food to give or not detouring to give them food if I have it can be extreme. I used to make it a habit to keep my car stocked with food - any person asking for help was given food of the quality I would eat or better. I have recently had a compulsion to give a coworker $600 because they mentioned rather common financial difficulties. It took a lot of self control not to compulsively offer. However, I am generally considered unempathetic by most of the people I encounter and once someone starts treating me like a monster my empathy bleeds away entirely. In truth, I can even have a limited amount of sadism directed at such people. That seems to strongly contradict the idea that I'm possibly autistic. Quite honestly, I have no idea if a person on the spectrum can experience sadism at all.

I should point out, for whatever anecdotal assessments from random others is worth, that any mention of potential autism on my part by anyone who has seen me operate in person is usually met with derision. If I'm at all on the spectrum, then I'm almost certainly "high functioning."

I could elaborate rather endlessly, but if anyone has bothered to read this and doesn't mind answering, does any of this at all indicate I may be on the spectrum, and how might I better assess myself?