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Just saying hello

Stefan

Hi,

A couple of days ago I read an article in the Times about a Royal Navy Vice Admiral and his discovery of his autism at 45 years and the similarities in the article with my own experiences (the autism not the top navy position!). This got me thinking and the after some investigating on the net I realised I did appear to have many autism traits, though relatively mild compared to many. I’ve just turned 60 but still remember childhood and later difficulties that I have always put down to being particularly shy and introverted. I do find it quite traumatic reading about this and also others’ experiences, but I think it can only be a good thing to continue investigate and learn more.

I am fortunate in that I have aa loving family and a good job but I have always had low self-esteem and elements of my character that I was continually trying to change with marginal success and which perhaps have been getting worse; maybe due to lockdown or maybe due to getting older?  Realising much may be down to ASD has given me totally new perspective which I hope will help me.

I have always found it hard to socialise and am hopeless at small talk, but love preparing and organising, maybe a bit too much. I do seem to be sensitive to noise and light but not so much I ever noticed it as significant. I’m rather blunt in conversation, often interrupting and not listening to others, this has become more obvious during lockdown, with being in the same house all day each and every day my family. They are quick to draw attention to these traits and I just wonder what work colleagues think of me if that’s how I am with them.

I guess my main questions are whether I should:

  • get a diagnosis
  • tell others or keep it just the family

Any advice would be appreciated, though I have yet to check-out the forums in more detail.

Parents

  • get the diagnosis ----  because it ends the search  and can be useful ( to other family members )  as a marker of autism in your family 

    when u get a diagnosis then decide who to tell and when. ( me, i told my HR/immediate linemanager  within days no one else at work )  and my mum/autistic nephew/sisters a few months later.

    here is the plan I followed

    below it are some extra things to include

    Make a list of reasons why u think u are autistic.

    include relatives in your family who are autistic or adhd or called weird/different

    and a list of occasions when u have been called weird, autistic, different

    the list should be electronic ie so you can email it to anyone who wants it.

    regards aidie

  • in reply to aidie

    Thanks aidie, I started a list as soon as I made the connection with autism, and I am adding anything that comes to mind in my past that may relate.
    Before talking to my GP I will prepare my arguments as to why I need a diagnosis. Probably mainly about my  mental health and its affect on personal and work relations. I won't rush into telling anyone, other than my direct family, who know already and are very supportive. 

  • in reply to Stefan

    Hi Stefan , i'm in a similar position , I'm 51 , some years ago a councillor suggested i get a diagnosis, so now i'm just getting round to looking at it. I've always been socially awkward , but good academically and career wise, think i've decided i've got nothing to lose by exploring it and maybe a diagnosis will help me accept some of the things i struggle with 

  • in reply to Nic

    Hi Nic, it’s Very  early days for me, not even a week since I realised I’m autistic or have very strong autistic tendencies. But at the moment I think it’s a help, I’m recognising or rather more sensitive to these characteristics and able if not to adjust my behaviour at least not get too stressed or affected by certain situations. I don’t think I’ll be able to change things (I.e. my behaviour) much but I think I may be able to come to terms with who I am in a more positive way, rather than feeling inadequate or a failure. I think I have done well in life with a lovely family, house and good job, and although I do feel myself very lucky it’s not stopped me doubting myself or feeling a failure. My autism has negatively impacted on my relationships, where I thought the problem was with others being over sensitive, now I have a different perspective and hopefully a more positive one. 
    a diagnosis I think will reinforce that and, if I decide to tell others, it will support me in my own confidence.

Reply
  • in reply to Nic

    Hi Nic, it’s Very  early days for me, not even a week since I realised I’m autistic or have very strong autistic tendencies. But at the moment I think it’s a help, I’m recognising or rather more sensitive to these characteristics and able if not to adjust my behaviour at least not get too stressed or affected by certain situations. I don’t think I’ll be able to change things (I.e. my behaviour) much but I think I may be able to come to terms with who I am in a more positive way, rather than feeling inadequate or a failure. I think I have done well in life with a lovely family, house and good job, and although I do feel myself very lucky it’s not stopped me doubting myself or feeling a failure. My autism has negatively impacted on my relationships, where I thought the problem was with others being over sensitive, now I have a different perspective and hopefully a more positive one. 
    a diagnosis I think will reinforce that and, if I decide to tell others, it will support me in my own confidence.

Children
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