Hello

Hello, all.

I have an appointment this week to start the process of obtaining a diagnosis. I am a bit late in life to be starting this, but I have come to a realisation during a period of depression and the subsequent counselling, that I, like both of my children, am an autistic person.  It had been suggested by an autistic colleague that I was also 'on the bus' a while ago.  I wasn't!  I despise the noise of buses, and the sudden jolts when they stop.  I did know what she meant though.  My children were incredulous when I told them that I was going to pursue a diagnosis, as they had just assumed that years ago

I have a vivid memory of standing in a classroom at primary school, wondering why I felt different to everybody around me.  I was bullied all the way through school, and in some ways this has followed me into the workplace.  I spent my breaks alone, not wanting to play football with the other boys.  I hate football, I'm awful around the ball and I hate things coming towards my face.  Being alone didn't bother me, that was pretty much my childhood, and I liked my own company.  I found a couple of genuine friends when I pursued the study of my special interest.

I hate bright lights.  Some supermarkets are unbearable.  It feels like the world is so big and I get all of it coming into my senses.  I've always needed subdued lighting in the evening, and cannot abide strip lights  Certain sounds, such as clicks, or voices out of silence, startle me and cause me pain.  I have been diagnosed with hyperacusis with another medical condition, however I realise that this aspect has been going on for most of my life.  I don't like tight clothes, they really make me very uncomfortable.

I get exhausted from the interactions that result from the nature of my career, the effect being that I fall asleep very early in the evenings.  I feel guilty because I am not always available for my family, but I get to a point where my body just switches off.  I am often perplexed by the motivations of others, particularly after a recent issue at work.  My wife is a great source of stability in my life.  She is a constant, and I think that these kinds of people are very rare.

I like order, but my organisation often eludes me.  I feel stressed when light switches, furniture, etc, are not lined up.

My special interest is also my career.  It is a constant fascination for me and I enjoy reading journal articles about it.  I don't read fiction at all.  

I hope that this makes some kind of sense.