Published on 12, July, 2020
I've suffered from bullying my whole life and I have autism and anger issues, I know for a fact that I have adhd and aspergers, the problem is that I feel utter rage alot of the times, anger has consumed my life, its always there, even though I'm 15 I have experienced what feels like torture in my head, everything gets too much, In school, out of school and more, Anything angers me, if something doesn't go the way I would like it to, if someone speaks to me in a certain way, noises, specifically chewing noises, anything to do with the mouth and any noise that shouldn't be there, like a clock noise could make me angry, but when ever I tell someone that I am "angry" they just think "oh he's a little angry, it will pass" but when I'm angry I feel as if I could kill dozens of people and I am scared that one day I might do something bad, I have always had thoughts of suicide or murder, I can't help it, that's why I'm scared that one day I might go crazy. I suffer from severe anxiety and cannot express my anger, especially in public, so it bottles up until it bursts out, which rarely happens, which makes it so much worse, one day its going to burst out and I'm not sure if Ill be able to control myself, when I feel angry I hurt myself and maybe others, rarely others, I will break things, punch things, I will choke myself, scratch myself, bite myself and on the rare occasion, cut myself. I feel like I'm alone in this world because I have nobody to truly speak to about any of my problems. I just feel like I need all of the help in the world but because I can't express me feelings and have bad anxiety I can never tell anyone about my problems.
Cameron i was bullied all my life for being different didnt know how to socialize was called a freak weak was clumsy people at school made me fall over deliberately spit in my hair throw stuff push i got intrusive thoughts of burning the school down even now i still do feel that way want to get revenge so angry i was diagnosed at 17 im 28 now i got an autistic counsellor and on antidepressantto stop my violent side to come out they have made me stable u r on the right group im glad u shared ur experience i dont feel alone anymore wth the same experience thank u. Il give u some info lookn Action for Aspergers Elaine Nicholson is qualified in autism u can email text with ur struggles no judgement feel comfortable to talk to she understands help to recognize what makes u angry.
Thanks for sharing your experiences, I also have went through similar stuff, I used to get punched by people, pushed, called names, just the usual bullying stuff. Thanks for the help, I'll definitely email her.