I need severe help badly but I don't know what to do

Thanks for sharing your experiences, I also have went through similar stuff, I used to get punched by people, pushed, called names, just the usual bullying stuff. Thanks for the help, I'll definitely email her.

Cameron i was bullied all my life for being different didnt know how to socialize was called a freak weak was clumsy people at school made me fall over deliberately spit in my hair throw stuff push i got intrusive thoughts of burning the school down even now i still do feel that way want to get revenge so angry i was diagnosed at 17 im 28 now i got an autistic counsellor and on antidepressantto stop my violent side to come out they have made me stable u r on the right group im glad u shared ur experience i dont feel alone anymore wth the same experience thank u. Il give u some info lookn Action for Aspergers Elaine Nicholson is qualified in autism u can email text with ur struggles no judgement feel comfortable to talk to she understands help to recognize what makes u angry.

screaming at the top of my lungs is helpful. smashing things -- i feel remorse afterwards, but my therapist suggested saving up things to smash - that is, things that are satisfying to obliterate. i don't seem to be into self harm, like cutting, but smashing and obliterating things, i guess that works. if you go into a car, maybe you can scream as loud as possible? it won't work for me to scream if i'm not in the mood.  

sorry for the late reply I've just been off of all social medias recently, usually any of these things don't work, the best thing I can do (at least what I know of) is to power through it and just let whatever I can get out, out. I know exactly where the anger comes from and what causes it, well I think I do at least but nothing helps, Its just me and my anger, not the best analogy but you know when bruce banner gets angry and turns into the hulk without any say in it? it feels like that.

nothing  can stop me from getting angry, It's just if I get angry I get angry, It happens out of nowhere and when I'm angry I feel a lot of emotions, It's not just like I'm a little angry like when I'm angry I'm furious, I feel the need to hit people and myself so badly but I keep it in which makes it worse, I take these tablets to stop impulsive behaviour which I'm guessing is why I don't burst out as much but they make life so much harder, I keep the anger inside and then take it out on myself, depending on the situation like where I am it depends what I do, If I'm in the kitchen Ill get a knife and cut myself but If I'm in my room ill either punch myself or bite myself, sorry for the late reply I've just been off of all social medias recently to prevent anger online.

With therapy, there's sometimes (not always -depending on one's region) a long waiting period for certain types of therapy.

If you feel up to it at some point, and you can take your time in when you'd feel ready, it is an option.

In the meantime, the other thing I'd mention that can sometimes just help a bit, is to develop understanding and learn what causes the build up in rage. If it's other people, if it's external factors, a bit of understanding can sometimes take a little bit of edge off things.

I've been really frustrated and angry at workplaces in my life -surging/hurting anger. In those cases, I've sometimes had presence of mind to try and understand the other side of what is going on. How would the employer/colleague see the situation and I've sometimes been pleasantly surprised by that taking a bit of the edge off the anger.

I know that this is no grand cure though, and that anger/pain is a tough thing to tame.

[I'm not sure if I've been very clear here.]

are you able to do things to limit your sensory input, so you might be calmer? i'm wondering if doing things before your get super angry might help you feel better in general, and give you a sense of more control. if you just tolerate too many of these things that stimulate your senses ---- any of your senses -- do you think they can force an unpaid 'bill' to trigger you into an outburst? 

there's also simple avoidance of irritating things as a strategy. there are weighted blankets (i just pile a big heavy sleeping bag over me when sleeping) that can be comforting.

i do intermittent fasting, eat organic and sustainable, eat as much healthy animal fats, dairy fats, as i want. i'd always been a sugar-addict; that's sort of under control... i just think it's a good thing to do, some of it flies in the face of standard 'healthy' diets like the mediterranean..., and try to eat as many fruits and veggies as i can stand. i think the gut microbiome is just a great thing to nurture. i think it's healthy, and an ideal thing to start with.

Cameron you are doing so well to bring this all out. And thanks calmerchameleon  for being there for Cameron.

the fact you can see your anger is very encouraging. You then need to walk back a bit in your thoughts to where the anger starts.

to be honest you are a clear candidate for 

1. physical relaxation techniques - body relaxation techniques ( look them up in youtube ---- they work if applied everyday )  then move to 2.

2. mindfulness mediation, mindfulness living,  Walking mediation , Zen mediation,

Look up the Gut and Psychology Syndrome Diet if you want to take a challenge on and change your life big style. The root of all mental illnesses like anxiety and depression is in the gut. Even the ancient Greeks knew that but as time goes on people got more obsessed with their own special little interests and forgot the big picture. Most doctors know so much information about thousands of technical, advanced things but don't understand basic health. So look into it and I wish the best for you, I know it's helped me. 

there's not much therapy type things for me to access at my age (atleast that's what my parents said). When I'm angry or anxious I usually shake a lot, like as if I had just been frozen with ice, I'm not good with confrontations and will shake as If I'm in fear when I'm usually feeling the opposite, Sadly In my school the teachers don't really care about problems students have, they should know everything about me but apparently they don't. What I do when I'm angry for any reason is blast music as loud as I can but its useless, unless its literally deafening then it does nothing for me, It's basically the same with self harm, If it doesn't hurt then ill do it again, I used to just punch walls but then one day I bit into my arm really hard and realised it helped a lot, mentally yes, physically no, It left massive bruises and lumps up my arm which didn't bother me but its obviously not good, what I really want to do is scream at the top of my lungs, I can shout pretty loud but I have the chance to do it, especially in school when something is angering me, in my head I'm knocking down buildings in rage but physically I just look distressed. I'm really sorry to hear that you lost someone you loved, I've lost many people that were close to me before but there's not much I can do about it now.

What you've expressed here is quite similar to how I feel. I used to be outwardly violent to my brothers as a kid and then, at age 16 had an epiphany kind of moment of breaking down for the first time ever. After that moment, I never hit my brothers again. The problem was I turned the pain in on myself.

I've yet to get a proper diagnosis I'm happy with. I've lived with childhood trauma and I seem to broadly fit a profile of possible ADHD (with some demand avoidance traits).

What you've shared sounds similar to what I know of people with emotionally unstable personality disorder (EUPD), people with an autism condition called pathological demand avoidance (PDA) and people with complex PTSD. I'm aware that there can be a fair amount of overlap between ADHD and each of the conditions I've just mentioned because they each can fairly often include high anxiety and 'emotion dysregulation'. I've been studying each of these conditions a fair bit in a bid to understand how to prevent emotional blow outs/hyper-anxiety - sadly, I've not yet found any super great way of dealing.

I don't yet know how to contain my own anxiety and pain when it gets really high.

I've lost a relationship with someone I love to bits and I know I can be really problematic for people I live with when high anxiety becomes uncontainable for me.

- Self-harming has kind of helped me -although I get that it's not ideal.
- Sometimes I'll try and get myself out to somewhere where no-one is and perform a series of 'primal screams' until I'm kind of exhausted.
- Playing guitar (electric one with headphones) can also allow me to channel out aggression without hurting myself or others.
[playing with headphones in the amp means that you can make big noise that won't startle whoever you're living with - you don't have to know how to play guitar much to have catharsis from making noise with it]

These above are ok but sometimes none of these options are possible 'in the moment' of a sudden increase in hyper-anxiety.

I've heard an Asperger's researcher, Tony Attwood, talk about how Aspies may often have a 'rumble period' preceding a meltdown. This seems similar to what I experience with extreme anxiety attacks. I'll typically/quite often feel that anxiety is rising a few days (and up to a week) before the anxiety attack and yet I lack a way of reducing the anxiety and preventing the anxiety attack/blow out.

I've had therapy but I've yet to find therapy that is able to counter a surge of unbearable anxiety.

I've not totally given up hope with this. Where there's a will, there's sometimes a way, I feel.

Its a lot harder to say to anyone in person but I get what you mean, I don't have a therapist and I've been diagnosed with adhd and aspergers, there is more but that's what I'm sure of, also yea I have sensory processing disorder, the bad thing is, I take these tablets which are supposed to stop impulsive behaviour, which just makes it feel worse because then It's just bottled up inside and with the avoiding these things, the only place I can really avoid them is at home, but at places like school, It's near impossible, the only difference with me is that I like to feel pain when I'm angry, It's better than anything I've been told, because It calms me down a lot faster, It's not fast but faster than usual, I've never actually found something that helps me but I hope I find something soon as I badly need it.

cameron, well, you say you can't tell anyone about your problems, but you've just told us ---- was it that bad?

i think you need people who will support you, hopefully your parents do. can you get a diagnosis? do you have a good therapist, who specializes in asd (autism spectrum disorder)? i have similar feelings as you, and when viewed under the scope of asd, much of your anger displays i think are called melt downs. i just had one the other day, and my therapist describes them as being like migraines: they take over and hijack you. if you can learn more about them, then they'll be less scarey.

avoid being around people chewing food, or wear headphones, i guess. i'm assuming you have a lot of sensitivites, and when you learn about them, and how to deal with them, and how to avoid being around them, and how not to ignore them --- your rages should become much less scarey. i punch walls out on occasion - i no it doesn't feel good, but uhm sometimes it happens.  i'm looking at eleven big holes in my wall now. 

people here have mentioned stimming might calm anxiety --- which might help mitigate your anger... i hope this group helps you.